1.
You're nothing until you can afford to move into the mansion at 2 Sim Lane.
2.
Sex is when two people get in a vibrating bed and yell.
3.
There are basically only five personality traits.
4.
Anyone can be an architect and an interior designer.
5.
Newspapers must be brought into the house and promptly thrown away daily.
6.
Parties are awkward but birthday cake always helps. It doesn't have to be anyone's birthday.
7.
The literal best-case scenario when throwing a party is that Drew Carey shows up uninvited.
8.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
9.
It is worth it to spend §4,500 on the Vibromatic Heart Bed and have the rest of your tiny house look like shit.
10.
Don't kiss anyone too passionately or you may get pregnant.
11.
And if you aren't careful, someone might go and delete the pool ladder on you.
12.
Most adults do not know what to do in the event of a fire.
13.
Staying friends with other people is really hard.
14.
If your child receives an F grade for a few days in a row, he or she will be shipped off to military school and you will never see them again.
15.
If you are sad, a clown will move into your home and follow you around, crying.
16.
If the bathroom is a little too far away, just pee on the floor.
17.
The criminal justice system does not make a lot of sense.
18.
You can cheat on your boyfriend with the elderly woman next door, but don't expect her to like it if you kiss him in front of her.
19.
Downloading a bunch of user mods might SEEM like a good idea, but it's usually not.
20.
And finally, the only way you're gonna get what you really want is to cheat.
