1. You're nothing until you can afford to move into the mansion at 2 Sim Lane.
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2. Sex is when two people get in a vibrating bed and yell.
3. There are basically only five personality traits.
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4. Anyone can be an architect and an interior designer.
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5. Newspapers must be brought into the house and promptly thrown away daily.
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6. Parties are awkward but birthday cake always helps. It doesn't have to be anyone's birthday.
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7. The literal best-case scenario when throwing a party is that Drew Carey shows up uninvited.
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8. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
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9. It is worth it to spend §4,500 on the Vibromatic Heart Bed and have the rest of your tiny house look like shit.
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10. Don't kiss anyone too passionately or you may get pregnant.
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11. And if you aren't careful, someone might go and delete the pool ladder on you.
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12. Most adults do not know what to do in the event of a fire.
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13. Staying friends with other people is really hard.
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14. If your child receives an F grade for a few days in a row, he or she will be shipped off to military school and you will never see them again.
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15. If you are sad, a clown will move into your home and follow you around, crying.
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16. If the bathroom is a little too far away, just pee on the floor.
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17. The criminal justice system does not make a lot of sense.
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18. You can cheat on your boyfriend with the elderly woman next door, but don't expect her to like it if you kiss him in front of her.
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19. Downloading a bunch of user mods might SEEM like a good idea, but it's usually not.
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20. And finally, the only way you're gonna get what you really want is to cheat.
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