Every Russell Stover Easter Egg, Ranked

Trying all *22* flavors.

The moment February ends (and sometimes even before), it begins: the commercial celebration of Easter®. Traditionally, the holiday's imminence is marked by the appearance of egg-themed candies in the aisles of our pharmacies and supermarkets.

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Most important among these treats are Russell Stover Easter eggs.

They are delicious, they are festive, and they are spunky. And, unless I haven't been paying super-close attention*, this year, they have gone completely bat-shit crazy. I saw more kinds of candy egg than I have ever seen in all my candy egg-seeking life.

At the Manhattan Duane Reade pharmacy I frequent, I counted twenty-two (22) different flavors of egg on the shelves. 23 if you count sugar-free, which I do not.

I volunteered to try every single one — spread across a week, to avoid death — so that you might be spared the worst of them, and only focus your seasonal candy attentions on the very best.

Here is every** Russell Stover Easter egg flavor, ranked.

*this is possible.
**besides sugar-free.

22. Strawberry Cream Egg

The inside of this one looks like the pink slurry you'd see on a nightly news segment about what your fast food hamburger is really made of. With that in mind, it tastes fine. I can't say I taste anything resembling strawberry. It tastes like the regular cream egg, but more cloying.

21. Red Velvet Egg

The inside of the red velvet egg one looks like some sort of clinical putty — something you’d keep in a jar in a laboratory, and you'd spoon it out and spackle together a model heart with it. I don’t know that I taste anything particularly identifiable as red velvet. It's fine.

20. Wedding Cake Egg

Without a traditional chocolate or another flavor to provide contrast/relief, the white chocolate shell on white "cake" interior heightens the sickly sweet nature of both. Additionally, this egg lacks visual interest. Inside and out it is the pale yellow tint of human bone.

19. Truffle Egg

Sometimes I feel that I don't know what is meant by "truffle" — in this context it appears to be a slightly softer form of milk chocolate than the layer of milk chocolate that surrounds it, which feels like a bit of a trick. This would be a good one for children, though I guess that's all of them.

18. Raspberry Whip Egg

I’m not one of those masochists who loves those chocolate oranges grandmas love, or who wants to see anything red or pink come out of any chocolate I've bitten into, but still, this was better than I expected. I think I tasted more blueberry than raspberry, but I no longer trust my taste buds. The whipped texture of the inside is pleasant and fluffy like a cloud.

17. Chocolate Wedding Cake Egg

The best thing I have to say about this egg is that it is not the white wedding cake egg. The chocolate cake filling helps moderate the white chocolate shell, though it, too, is not especially cake-y in texture. It is, however, pleasingly dense.

16. Lemon Cake Egg

The lemon filling in this egg is not joking around. I would go so far as describing its zest as "severe." I am learning that it's difficult to pull off the essence of “cake” in an egg filling, but I would say this provides a modest success. I was hoping for something more chewy.

15. Chocolate Marshmallow Egg

Chocolate flavored marshmallow is a menace. It’s unnatural, and will always be the perpetual loser to its older, cooler sister: normal marshmallow. I am grateful at least for the lightness of the fluffy interior.

14. Coconut Macaroon Egg

The coconut in this egg is not not overwhelming, but appears rather as a few flakes mixed into the "macaroon" filling. It makes me think of a Mounds bar or other third-tier Halloween handouts.

13. Carrot Cake Egg

I am going to go out on a limb and say that as far as egg-shaped candy products go, this actually tastes reasonably like carrot cake. And I liked it a lot more than I expected for someone who isn’t very into carrot cake or white chocolate. I gave the rest of it to my new Egg Friend, James, and he rolls his eyes toward the heavens in pleasure. (My Egg Friends are the people who've begun circling around my desk each day after I bring out my eggs.)

12. Crunchy Peanut Butter Egg

This egg is somewhat reminiscent of a Snickers, without the caramel. Additionally, a less salty Reese’s. It's a classic taste combination, but I find the crunchiness oddly unsettling. I have come to expect, and tolerate, only goop.

11. Maple Cream Egg

I’m into this one. The inside, I'm happy to see, is a pale orange goop. The maple isn’t overpowering, necessarily, but the overall effect is VERY sweet — I think it would be difficult, even under normal circumstances, to eat the whole thing.

10. Dark Chocolate Pecan Delight Egg

This one, weirdly, is the only one I found labeled BIG BITE — there was no option for a regular size. So this is a lot of egg for one human woman. But the filling is delicious, caramel-y and pecan-y, and the outside is crumbly and thin.

9. Dark Chocolate Creme

This is decadent. The outer egg shell is quite thick (that seems to be the motif among the foil wrapped varieties) but the inner chocolate cream is comparatively light. It doesn’t have that gritty quality Cadbury eggs sometimes have. I love it.

8. Coconut Cream Egg

This egg is EXTREMELY delicate, as you can tell from the picture. It was just waiting to collapse at the first sign of human contact. The egg shell feels thinner than some of the others, and the inside is creamy and coconutty without being overpowering. Eggscellent.

7. Caramel Egg

A true champion. A legend. The caramel is just slightly salty, the milk chocolate not too milky. The caramel is dense and a little hard to chew, but that makes it taste better somehow.

6. Marshmallow Egg

Russel Stover has their marshmallow fluff down. This is almost as good but not quite as good as the dark chocolate marshmallow (spoiler). Something that is fun is calling marshmallow "marsh." Anyway, this is an Easter delight.

5. Vanilla Cream Egg

This is great. The egg is crumbly and the vanilla cream filling is light and whipped. It’s the Russell Stover egg a princess wearing satin gloves would select, if she were presented with a tray of Russell Stover eggs.

4. Peanut Butter Egg (Creamy)

The peanut butter on the inside of this one is superb — creamy and ... gelatinous? But in a good way that is much better than that sounds. It reminds me of Reese’s Puffs cereal, which is to say, nothing like real peanut butter and everything you could hope for.

3. Birthday Cake Egg

Sprinkles!!! What a treat. Why is this the only lucky egg to be adorned with sprinkles? Why is this the only cake egg whose insides do taste actually, vaguely, like real cake? Undercooked, dough-like cake, yes, but cake. It’s scrumptious.

2. Dark Chocolate & Marshmallow Egg

I’m biased here — this is the kind I’ve bought myself for years, four or five eggs at the beginning of the season that I hide away in my refrigerator and savor throughout March. They’re so good cold. I love the dark chocolate over milk — it’s less sickly sweet. It’s the perfect egg.

1. Marshmallow & Caramel Egg

I am surprised to find myself putting a milk chocolate variety in the number one spot, but here I am, defying my own expectations of myself. This egg is masterful, an unholy union of carnal delights. Biting into it, I groaned. It fell apart in my fingertips and then my mouth. Incredible. *kisses fingertips* Happy Easter.