1. Let's face it: He could use some time in the sun, and maybe a vitamin or something.
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2. But he can't even GO in the sun because of his unnatural sparkly exterior, which means you can't hang out in public on sunny days.
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3. He has basically no hobbies or interests.
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4. "Love is forever" has a VERY DIFFERENT MEANING with him.
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5. He kisses like someone who feels bad (but not too bad!) about being, like, a hundred years older than you.
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6. Obviously he has some anger issues.
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7. He literally cannot stop getting into fights.
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8. And you basically risk your life any time you chill with him or his family.
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9. You KNOW if you bring him home to meet your parents they'll just think he's always high.
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10. He occupies all your time and you wouldn't have any friends left if you ever broke up.
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11. He's not super creative with a compliment.
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OMG I GET IT, I AM FLAWLESS AND YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR ME FOREVER.
12. Sometimes it's like he's almost TOO transparent.
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13. He's soooooo dramatic every time you just want to leave the house.
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14. He's bound to impregnate you with demon spawn.
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15. Even though he never has an erection because he has no blood...
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16. He would always know when it's your "time of the month."
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Ugh bye I'll be eating chocolate alone in my room.
17. His extreme need to be overprotective is not cute, it's psychotic.
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18. He also watches you when you're sleeping which is SUPER CREEPY.
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Boundaries, have you heard of it?
19. Edward Cullen is basically the definition of "stage-five clinger."
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NOPE BYE.
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