Proof That Candy Canes Are The Fucking Worst

You know it, I know it, everyone knows it.

Let's get one thing straight: candy canes are the candy corn of the holiday season.

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(For the record, I actually like candy corn, but you get what I mean: these are seasonal and deeply polarizing candy items of questionable value.)

What kind of dumb-ass shape is this for a food?

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Sorry, stock photo girl, but nobody starts eating their candy cane hook-first, because that is impossible and very drool-y.

If you DO eat candy canes the right way, you will automatically create a lethal weapon.

Instagram: @_tigermillionaire_

This is literally a lance. How is this seasonally appropriate??? Would Santa approve???????

Like, LOOK AT THIS.

Instagram: @malayzn87

Candy Canes: They're Just Not Safe.

Another fact: Nobody has ever made it all the way through a candy cane. Ever.

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It's either gonna break, or you're gonna give up, because eating an entire candy cane takes upwards of two years.

And don't even get me started on the mini candy canes.

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Thanks for nothing, DMV!! Thanks for this broken trash, dermatologist's waiting room!!

Let us not even SPEAK of the false, fruity candy cane.

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You cannot make us eat this shit year-round. You just can't.

What the fuck is this, blueberry?

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NOT OK.

Why keep making something that is born to languish in the clearance aisle come December 26th?

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Why pretend as though you have gifted your coworkers a seasonal treat when we both know the candy cane is a glorified breath mint?

Instagram: @jasonjmarshall

This guy's got the right idea.

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Candy canes are very bad. Do not buy them for anyone this year.

OK, here is one acceptable use for candy canes: making hot cocoa (a great thing) slightly minty-er.

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This is fine.