Let's get one thing straight: candy canes are the candy corn of the holiday season. Lisa Sieczka / Getty Images (For the record, I actually like candy corn, but you get what I mean: these are seasonal and deeply polarizing candy items of questionable value.) What kind of dumb-ass shape is this for a food? Westend61 / Getty Images Sorry, stock photo girl, but nobody starts eating their candy cane hook-first, because that is impossible and very drool-y. If you DO eat candy canes the right way, you will automatically create a lethal weapon. View this photo on Instagram Instagram: @_tigermillionaire_ This is literally a lance. How is this seasonally appropriate??? Would Santa approve??????? Like, LOOK AT THIS. View this photo on Instagram Instagram: @malayzn87 Candy Canes: They're Just Not Safe. Another fact: Nobody has ever made it all the way through a candy cane. Ever. Jennifer Boggs / Getty Images It's either gonna break, or you're gonna give up, because eating an entire candy cane takes upwards of two years. And don't even get me started on the mini candy canes. Ken Tannenbaum / Getty Images Thanks for nothing, DMV!! Thanks for this broken trash, dermatologist's waiting room!! Let us not even SPEAK of the false, fruity candy cane. Sergei Solomon / Getty Images You cannot make us eat this shit year-round. You just can't. What the fuck is this, blueberry? Tamelyn Feinstein / Getty Images NOT OK. Why keep making something that is born to languish in the clearance aisle come December 26th? Flickr: pswansen / Creative Commons Why pretend as though you have gifted your coworkers a seasonal treat when we both know the candy cane is a glorified breath mint? View this photo on Instagram Instagram: @jasonjmarshall This guy's got the right idea. Shakzu / Getty Images Candy canes are very bad. Do not buy them for anyone this year. OK, here is one acceptable use for candy canes: making hot cocoa (a great thing) slightly minty-er. Michael Schubert / Getty Images This is fine.