1. The total mystification with which you look at Kim Kardashian butt selfies.
2. And the (probably too high) amount of time you’ve spent scrolling through Jen Selter’s Instagram.
It’s just … how.
6. The very brief, NOT at all serious, definitelyyyy not serious and totally joking, COMPLETELY joking consideration of purchasing a product called “booty boosters.”
11. The belief that some number of squats can transform you into Nicki Minaj.
12. There is naught with which to twerk.
13. National Ass Day, a day you’ll NEVER be able to celebrate.
What are the parties like? You’ll never know.
15. You work hard to avoid bottoms with clothing/logos on them, because WHY would you want ATTENTION drawn to your near-invisible butt??
17. That thing where it’s ALMOST like you have a butt, if you bend over at a 90-degree angle.
20. Whoever is in charge of making swimsuit bottoms is not making them for you.
21. You feel just slightly personally affronted when Ludacris says, “If there ain’t no ass where I’m at, then I’m in the wrong place.”
Look, Ludacris. You and me BOTH would like there to be more ass here than there is currently.
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