21 Reasons Target Is A Midwestern Utopia
OK, Target is great everywhere. But to Midwesterners especially, it is truly Heaven on Earth.
1. First of all, Target is headquartered in Minneapolis.
2. It's your go-to coffee shop AND mall, all in one.
3. Bored on a Friday? Maybe you can spend 20 minutes in front of an endcap deciding between Goldfish varieties you'd never dreamed of.
4. Its soft glow and alluring air-conditioning on a summer night.
I want to live in there.
5. And a sunshine-y warm haven in the dead of winter.
Fluorescent lighting is sort of like sunlight!
6. No high-end stores in your area? No problem.
7. The fancy brands are all making Target lines these days anyway.
"What are you wearing?" "Rodarte. By Target."
8. Did you go into Target intending to buy "JUST shampoo?" Have fun with the new Fitbit you bought just because it's "such a good deal!"
9. It's Midwesterners who know the VAST differences between Target and SuperTarget and Target Greatland.
You can occupy yourself for SO MANY HOURS in a Target Greatland. A plain Target will get you only a couple.
10. Date night idea!!!
11. The overwhelming feeling of power that comes with a giant empty red cart.
12. What even is any of this stuff? Who knows? I just know you can spend your allowance/paycheck/babysitting money on it.
13. You probably worked there for at LEAST three months at some point in your adolescence.
14. The Halloween section is a great place to "make trouble" as a Midwestern preteen.
15. Target brand foods specialize in the kinds of interesting, risky flavors that Midwestern tongues appreciate best.
Holiday milk? Don't mind if I do.
16. They sponsor the best baseball park in the country.
17. Target wouldn't let their frozen food aisles get as bone-chilling as your average grocery store, because they understand it's bad enough outside.
18. "Let's try on every color of flip flop in the store." — a totally legitimate bonding activity for you and your friends.
19. Target applies Midwestern reservedness to its health benefit promises.
I mean, this stuff over here is BETTER for you, for sure, than Double Stuf Oreos.