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17 Gadgets That Are Treating Us Like Dumb Babies

I like useful tech toys as much as the next human, but sometimes I'm also like, "I know how to take care of mySELF, engineers!" You know? Here are some gadgets you shouldn't need if you're a grownup.

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1. Smart Shopper Electronic Grocery List

This voice recorder-based shopping list printer (I'm sure it has PERFECT hearing) feels like something Disney would have put in a Zenon movie to seem futuristic, and everyone watching would have been like, "I really doubt we'll ever use something like that stupid."

2. Toothpaste Squeezing Devices


Lip-shaped or otherwise, tube squeezers are only acceptable in cases where the users have two hooks for hands. (And even then it wouldn't work, would it?) In which case I'm really sorry to hear about the accident.

3. Non-Ice Ice Cubes / Via

"Why do you have rocks in your whiskey, you big dummy?" That is what people would say to you if you used these. Plastic ones are hardly better. Melting ice is the earth's natural punishment for drinking one's beverage too slowly.


5. Envelope Openers


Envelope openers are perhaps history's oldest over-the-top gadget. Why? You have fingers. (Unless you are the hook guy from before in which case, again, condolences.) Your envelope won't be pretty once it's opened, but that is okay because it is now garbage.


9. Banana Slicer / Via

"Slicing bananas isn’t difficult, but if you find this chore tedious or too difficult for you, there is a gadget for that too," snarks the website I found this ridiculous item on, giving you "are you serious" eyebrows.

11. iStix Chopstick Assistant

Actual chopsticks are not hard to use. If you are bringing your own training wheel chopsticks to a restaurant, you have to sit by yourself. On the changing table in the family bathroom.


14. LokSak®

This bag claims to make it possible for you to "take your phone to the beach or pool - and even take it in the water with you!" But what if you just got an even larger bag and put YOURSELF in the bag? Everything you need, just throw it all in.

15. Zapperclick Mosquito Bite Relief

Allegedly this device "zaps" your mosquito bites to halt itching, "thanks to small impulses created by a piezo crystal." Do we really need to get piezo crystals involved in our bug bites now? Also, what are they?

16. VIOlight Travel Toothbrush Sanitizer & Storage System


A toothbrush is a stick you swirl around in your face cavity, in spit and paste, for 2-4 minutes a day to remove food particles and (some) bacteria. Just let it be gross.

Senior Editor, Ghost Hunter, Ufologist

Contact Katie Heaney at

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