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    Updated on Feb 15, 2019. Posted on Jan 31, 2019

    26 Hilarious Valentine's Day Gifts That Are Actually Useful

    A little romantic humor never hurt anyone.

    We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

    1. A wine condom to protect their wine from getting old. Don't be silly, wrap your... wine bottle.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "I bought these as a gag gift, but they work really well. They fit snug on the top of the bottle so if you accidentally knock a bottle over, it won't spill!" —Desert Creatures

    Get it from Amazon for $13.97.

    2. Subtle Butt gas neutralizers because even though you love almost everything about them, you could definitely do without their smelly toots.

    Amazon

    Adhering one of these activated carbon filters to their undies will save you from late-night pizza farts!

    Promising review: "My boyfriend lays the stinkiest farts so I got this for him as a gag gift. He tried it out on a car trip and I didn't smell one single fart. It was amazing and hilarious! This little gag gift actually works. Now I don't have to be trapped by his mustard gas on long car rides." —Sarah Scalia

    Get it from Amazon for $12.95.

    3. A Smell My Nuts candle that has such an amazing banana bread, toasted coconut, and hazelnut scent, they'll definitely want to jump on your ~wick.~

    amazon.com, amazon.com

    Promising review: "I bought this candle as a gift for my husband for Valentine's Day. Let me just say that is was a huge hit! First of all, the name. I mean, come on, any company that can have that kind of humor with their products is the kind of company that I want to give my business to. But it's not just a gimmick! This candle smells so incredibly amazing! You really don't have to even burn it, just leave the lid off and the scent will fill the room. My husband put this in his 'man cave' and lit it. Within 20 minutes, I swear, you could smell it throughout the whole house! So this is a win/win situation for everyone because we both get to enjoy the pleasure of it's yummy and amazing aroma!" —BecLovesBooks

    Get it from Amazon for $11.99.

    4. A booty mask that'll use its plant-based formula to give them ~bootylicious~ vibes and make their bum super smooth.

    Free People

    These are available in four different varieties: Bite It (hydrating and toning), Shake It (firming and illuminating), Slap It (re-texturizing and detoxifying), and Squeeze It (brightening and rejuvenating) to give their booty the facial of their dreams!

    Get it from Amazon for $9.95 each or Free People for $9.00 each.

    5. Conversation heart bath bombs, because no one really likes the taste of those gross and chalky candies anyway. These come in three amazing fragrances and have *dirty* lil' sayings that are sure to give them a good chuckle.

    BadgerFaceBeauty

    The hot pink is a raspberry scent, the light pink is a strawberry scent, and the purple is a lavender scent. You'll get one of each flavor with randomly selected sayings. They're made with natural, unrefined cocoa butter that's not only super nourishing for your skin, but will also add a delicious hint of chocolate to each scent.

    Get a set of three from BadgerFaceBeauty on Etsy for $12.

    6. A salami bouquet to ~cure~ their V-Day blues with an assortment of delicious meats.

    Mancrates

    This bouquet includes eight ounces of Columbus peppered chub, sopressata chub, calabrese chub, chorizo chub, and Italian dry chub.

    Promising review: "Got this for my fiancé for Valentine's Day and he could not be happier (he is full Italian and his mother brings a suitcase full of salami when she comes to visit). However, he has loved every flavor and has gotten to the point of hiding them from me. Best present I've got him thus far (besides myself, duhhh)." —Daisha

    Get it from Mancrates for $59.99

    7. A floral penis mug so they can enjoy their favorite beverages alongside a beautiful display of blossoming weenies.

    Amazon

    This mug is dishwasher and microwave safe!

    Get it from Amazon for $13.99.

    8. A pair of socks with cute sayings, if you aren't good at expressing your feelings in a gushy card.

    Amazon

    Promising review (left pair): "I love when my socks make me smile or laugh and Blue Q seems to get it done all the time! Sometimes, it just takes the little things!" —Sheplygirl

    Get the pair on the left for $10.99 and the pair on the right for $10.52, both from Amazon (one size fits most).

    9. A naughty cookie cutter that'll create interestingly shaped sweet treats to get them in the mood.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "Love it! A great quality cutter that made baking fun!" —E.B.

    Get it from Amazon for $9.95.

    10. Funny but endearing toilet paper to show that you give a crap about them, even in the ~shittiest~ of times.

    Amazon

    Promising review (left): "The packaging is great the quality of the print is great. The print is bright and readable! I had to be at work by 6:45 a.m. on Valentines Day for a 12 hour shift so my husband and I celebrated Friday night. But, I did put this roll on the holder before I left so he would have a good morning V-Day surprise. He thought it was funny and told all his friends." —Shirley Stanford

    Get the roll on the left for $16.71 and the roll on the right for $10, both from Amazon.

    11. A love mop towel that's designed specifically for after-sex cleanup. It's made with premium cotton in a special double yarn weave to make it extra absorbent to make sure you're prepared for whats ~coming.~

    Amazon

    It's also extra soft and fluffy, so you're not irritating anything down there!

    Promising review: "I have to say, I couldn't be more pleased with the love mop! The packaging it arrives in is super-cute, which makes it a great gift. The towel itself is a really nice quality. It's very soft, full, and a nice size (considering it's intended usage). I love the embroidered logo. It's hard to look at it and not smile. Oh, and speaking of usage, my boyfriend and I did give the love mop a 'trial by fire,' and it worked really well. Now my nice hand towels can be spared, lol. All in all, this is a great novelty gift that actually does the job, too. Couldn't be happier." —Rebecca

    Get it from Amazon for $14.99.

    12. Goodhead oral gel to spice things up in the bedroom. Who knows, they may even ~blow~ you away like never before.

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $10.49.

    Looking for more products that'll make you O? Check out 21 Of The Best Lubes You Can Get On Amazon.

    13. Or a beard lube if you want to keep it PG-13. They might think it's something sexy, but it's actually just an amazing face moisturizer made with jojoba oil and eucalyptus to keep their face smooth and razor bump-free.

    Amazon

    The name is super funny, though. My boyfriend laughed hysterically when I gave this to him, and it's his new go-to for after he shaves! It makes his face feel moisturized but not greasy, and the eucalyptus helps to soothe any irritation. You can also use it as a shaving cream!

    Promising review: "Love this stuff. It was bought as a gift for me a while back and I use it all the time now. Shaving tears my face up but this stuff makes it easier to shave and not feel painful afterwards. Get the lotion too! This bottle lasts me at least a couple of months as it does not take very much to shave with." —McBride

    Get it from Amazon for $11.50.

    14. A novelty couples game to make sure you'll never get bored. Just take these cards out with a big bottle of wine on a Saturday night, and you may uncover some surprising things you didn't know about each other.

    Amazon

    The talk cards promote conversation and connection. You'll take turns answering the questions and testing your knowledge of each other. Taking it to the next level, the flirt cards promote flirting and closeness. You'll pick a card, answer the question and take turns revealing your secrets. The ultimate dare cards are for those who want action and consists of fun, flirty dares.

    Promising review: "This game is super fun! My husband and I played it on a road trip and instead of driving for hours in silence or discussing mundane things, such as errands and dull highway surroundings, we played the questions game and got such a blast out of it! We have been married for many years now and it was surprising how well we knew each other in some areas and were completely surprised by some of the responses. It was very engaging and fun, that time just flew by! When we got to the hotel later that evening, we played the Flirt and Dare games and had a truly romantic evening. The Flirts were romantic with a touch of intimacy and the dares were just a the right level, fun with a touch of kink vs. other games that we've tried where dares were too blunt or completely overboard. Overall I had a lot of fun! If you want to reconnect with you partner, this game is for you!" —Irina Funtikov

    Get it from Amazon for $23.50.

    15. An explicitly named perfume or cologne that smells so amazing, your boo won't be able to keep their paws off ya. Meooooow.

    Amazon

    The perfumes scent is described as a floral and oriental fruit-y scent with ingredients such as cranberries, tonka mousse, and a splash of Tuscan blood orange to promote a bright, romantic spirit.

    The cologne scent is made of Italian lemon and Tuscan mandarin, mixed with green ferns and just a pinch of pink pepper. Other ingredients include lavender, aphrodisiacal scents such as warm coriander and Neroli orange-flower, and a patchouli base. Rounding out the smell is cedar, sandalwood and amber.

    Promising review (perfume): "Absolutely amazing. It smells fantastic and I get complimented on it a lot. I can sense that this will be my new permanent perfume. It lasts long, I always catch myself at work smelling my wrists where I spray it." —B.

    Get the perfume for $26 or the cologne for $24.75, both from Amazon.

    16. A customizable cushion so they can ~face~ the facts that you're super good looking and enjoy sleeping on your beautiful face every night.

    Firebox

    Get it from Firebox for $22.99+ or a customized pillowcase for $6.80+ from Amazon.

    17. Or personalized boxers to give them a different kind of head.

    WeCustomStuff

    Get it from WeCustomStuff on Etsy for $15.

    18. A girlfriend or boyfriend pillow so they don't get lonely when you move to the couch because they're snoring too darn loud.

    Amazon

    Get the girlfriend pillow for $29.95 or the boyfriend pillow for $34.99+ (available in 8 colors), both from Amazon.

    19. A Smack-A-Sack stress reliever to help get some anger out when you're driving each other a bit ~nuts~.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "This was a gag gift for my boyfriend. He's sometimes stressed so I thought he could use a laugh! The shipping and quality was good, no complaints whatsoever." —Thai

    Get it from Amazon for $14.95.

    20. Poop Like A Champion, a colon-cleansing cereal packed with tons of fiber to show that you truly care about them by investing in their pooping habits.

    Amazon

    This cereal is gluten-free! Some benefits include deep-cleaning your colon (which allows nutrients to be more easily absorbed), promoting regular bowel movements, and reducing tummy bloat. It isn't meant to taste great (but works great!), so reviewers suggest to mix it in with some yogurt, honey, or anything you desire to enhance the taste. It's definitely worth it to help you drop the kids off at the pool. 💩

    Promising review: "Great gag gift that actually works! I bought this for my husband as a joke. To my surprise, not only did he laugh but he said it tasted good and works as described. He said 'uh-oh' and ran out of the room so I have a feeling a repeat purchase will be occurring shortly. —Pyrakantha

    Get it from Amazon for $9.99.

    21. A sleek necklace that is actually a vibrator (!!!) so they can always have some fun, even on the go.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "This is beautiful! It's sleek and the on/off button is discrete. The actual vibration is also super quiet but the strength of the vibration is strong! Would definitely recommend!" —Robin

    Get it from Amazon for $69+ (available in silver, gold and rose gold).

    22. A fill-in-the-blank-book so you can crack all the jokes you want about your relationship while giving them the feels.

    Amazon, amazon.com

    In case you can't read, the picture on the right says "I love to watch you lift heavy weights (aka get yuuuugge)." Just an example of something you could write to make them smile!

    Promising review: "This was fun to fill out and my husband enjoyed it! It really made me stop and think and I took a few days to mull over some of the questions! There are so many directions you can take with it: serious, sexy, funny, or genuine. I mixed it all up and he had fun reading them! A great way to say all the little things that you don't ever think of mentioning." —RnAshAsh

    Get it from Amazon for $7.20.

    23. A body paint kit for a neat new Friday night activity. Roll out the tarp, cover yourselves in paint, and get down to business making an abstract work of art in the most intimate way.

    Amazon, amazon.com

    Some reviewers suggest slightly heating the paint beforehand so it's not super cold.

    Promising review: "Best. Night. Ever! WE LOVED IT. I got this for my boyfriend for a late Valentine's Day gift and he even said how awesome and creative it is. He said, 'It's great because usually when you think of Valentine's Day things to do they get kinda tacky and boring but, no, this is actually really hot.' We actually bought more paint to accent the black before we hang it. Have fun, kids :)" —Amazon Customer

    Get it from Amazon for $60.

    24. An ice cube tray that'll freeze an exact replica of you and cool them down when their feeling a bit ~hot.~

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $13.68.

    25. A set of phallic lipsticks or shall I say, lipdicks, to add some pizzaz to their pout.

    Amazon, amazon.com

    Promising review: "This is great value for your money! And they are sooo funny. My mother-in-law went to a party and these were given out. She knew I would get a kick out of it, so she gave it to me and I had to buy more. I really like the color and feel of this lipstick. It is a funny conversational piece and really is great value for that 12 lipsticks that are just as good as my Lancôme that I pay $25 or more per tube for." —Kathy Ward

    Get a set of 12 from Amazon for $16.95.

    26. And a splurge-worthy, Throws of Passion waterproof blanket that may as well be some kind of magic. No matter what activity you may be doing, liquid will not seep through, so you can get ~down and dirty~ without a worry.

    Amazon

    This blanket is made ultra-soft and cool-touch fleece. The 'stay-dry' barrier is between two pieces of fleece but does not crinkle or crunch. It can fit up to a king size bed and is machine washable.

    Promising review: "Both sides provide 100% protection from all things fluid. My girlfriend truly can't believe it every time we use it. If you are looking for a worry free blanket to help you through those wet times, this blanket is for you! Don't waist your time elsewhere. I want to buy three of these things, money be damned." —Nathan Cronenwett

    Get it from Amazon for $99.

    Looks like Will Ferrell had the right idea:

    Mandate Pictures

    The reviews in this post have been edited for length and clarity.

    Looking for the perfect gift for any occasion? Check out all of BuzzFeed’s gift guides!

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