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Screw The Man Bun, Bald Heads Are Taking Over

You're gonna want to sit down for this.

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Way back when, people couldn't contain their thirst for a hairstyle called the "man bun."

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It was cute and all, but the obsession overshadowed the real beauty of god's gift...

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...a beautiful, bald head.

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Bald men haven't gotten their deserved recognition for being sexy AF. Man bun lovers scream "GROW IT OUT" but that shit ain't necessary.

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If beautiful men grew out their hair how would we be able to see every inch of their perfectly sculpted skull?

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How can we really, truly value the wonders of the human mind if it's constantly hidden by hair?

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Bald men wake up absolutely flawless. No stringy, gross bedhead here.

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And that bald/beard combo? Let's all take a moment to appreciate it's perfection.

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It's clear that coarse beards beautifully balance a lustrous, smooth scalp.

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Showering is just so simple for them. Baldies will be out of that shower before you can say "have my babies."

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Having a bald head makes men look strong. They can carry you and make you feel like a Lilliputian in Gulliver's Travels.

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You see, the bareness of a bald head is captivating on its own, but it also accentuates other ~regions~ of the body...

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...LIKE THEIR EYES. No hair makes them stand out like two sparkling diamonds. CAN WE EVEN SEE YOUR EYES UNDER ALL THAT HAIR, BUN BOYS?

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Bald men can get a freaking head tattoo. That's badass AF.

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They also are the only people who can achieve a perfectly even, full body tan.

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Can a head of hair illuminate like an angel atop a fresh pine tree on Christmas morning?

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Definitely not.

Does a man bun twinkle in the light like an oyster's polished pearl?

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Lmao good one.

Would your eyes have been glued to Vin Diesel's biceps if he had a furball glued to his head?

LOL HECK NO.
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LOL HECK NO.

You may be questioning how you lived a life without thirsting for these bald, sensual majesties.

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And it's OK, we understand the man buns were distracting. But there's an easy fix for everything.

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THANK YOU FOR EXISTING, BALD MEN OF THE WORLD. You make the world glisten with natural, smooth and beautiful joy.

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xoxoxoxooxoxoxoo

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