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Screw The Man Bun, Bald Heads Are Taking Over

You're gonna want to sit down for this.

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Bald men haven't gotten their deserved recognition for being sexy AF. Man bun lovers scream "GROW IT OUT" but that shit ain't necessary.

If beautiful men grew out their hair how would we be able to see every inch of their perfectly sculpted skull?

How can we really, truly value the wonders of the human mind if it's constantly hidden by hair?

Bald men wake up absolutely flawless. No stringy, gross bedhead here.

And that bald/beard combo? Let's all take a moment to appreciate it's perfection.

It's clear that coarse beards beautifully balance a lustrous, smooth scalp.

Showering is just so simple for them. Baldies will be out of that shower before you can say "have my babies."

Having a bald head makes men look strong. They can carry you and make you feel like a Lilliputian in Gulliver's Travels.

You see, the bareness of a bald head is captivating on its own, but it also accentuates other ~regions~ of the body...

...LIKE THEIR EYES. No hair makes them stand out like two sparkling diamonds. CAN WE EVEN SEE YOUR EYES UNDER ALL THAT HAIR, BUN BOYS?

Bald men can get a freaking head tattoo. That's badass AF.

Can a head of hair illuminate like an angel atop a fresh pine tree on Christmas morning?

Definitely not.


Does a man bun twinkle in the light like an oyster's polished pearl?

Lmao good one.

You may be questioning how you lived a life without thirsting for these bald, sensual majesties.

THANK YOU FOR EXISTING, BALD MEN OF THE WORLD. You make the world glisten with natural, smooth and beautiful joy.