1. "I Caught Mommy Cheating On Daddy With An Old, Fat Man."
2. "Grandma Died, Let's Party."
3. Nothing says "Season of Giving" like being a selfish bastard.
4. So bullying is okay as long as it's sung in a festive manner?
5. "Let's get drunk in my car and tell me how you're in a loveless marriage."
6. Mr. Kringle can get away with sexual harrassment because he gives out gifts afterward.
7. Not married? Good. And from out of town? Even better. My wife will never know.
8. What if the Grinch was just born with a birth defect? Chew on that one.
9. You must have been a real dick if your S.O. and friends all abandoned you at Christmas.
10. "It's cold out and I'm desperate."
11. "Santa baby, I deserve anything I want because I haven't slept with EVERYONE in town....yet."
12. So is mistletoe just an excuse to kiss whomever you want?
13. "Sir, I'm poor and my mom's needs shoes because she's dying."
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