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    What Gap Closing 175 Stores Means For Humanity

    Guard your chinos.

    Gap announced that it will be closing 175 U.S. stores.

    But what does a world with 175 fewer Gardens of Appropriate Pants mean?????

    175X fewer vaguely cotton t-shirts.

    175X fewer boyfriend jeans that you thought maybe you could pull off but still haven't worn.

    175X fewer durable khakis that dads of the future will own for so long that they come back in style.

    You can't spell Gap without Khakis.

    175X fewer smiles on the faces of chino textile suppliers.

    175X fewer arguments over whether it's "Gap" or "The Gap."

    175X fewer 69 jokes.


    It's funny because it's funny!!!!!


    175X fewer of those striped scarves that you always got as a present from your aunt.

    175X fewer pairs of underwear for you to hoard.

    and since you hoard ∞ pairs of underwear...

    that means 175 multiplied by ∞ ...

    Which equals 69!!!!!!!!!

    175X fewer James Marsdens in cozy sweaters.

    And perhaps the most tragic loss of all...

    175X fewer of THESE:


    Quite frankly

    a world without GAP

    is no world at all.

    Gap, we love you please don't leave.

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