Step 1: Be in your senior year of college and have an essay due tomorrow morning.
Step 2: Put words on the page even if those words make zero sense.
Step 3: Somehow still be severely under the page minimum.
Step 4: Commit to doing whatever it takes to make this paper longer (except for actually writing more).
Step 5: Loosely interpret the Times New Roman, 12-point font guidelines you were given.
You say potato, I say 12.5 is basically the same thing as 12.
Step 6: Make sure you have a two-part title with a semicolon.
Step 7: Let the title spill over to three lines.
Step 8: Leave a conservative amount of space between the title and the actual essay.
Step 9: Make your punctuation 48-point or larger.
Step 10: Make your line spacing a triple threat.
Step 11: Insert a header that conveniently shifts the paper down a few inches.
Step 12: Adjust the side margins to 3 inches.
Step 13: Insert a prefatory graph.
Step 14: Add a picture of the grilled cheese you'll get to eat regardless of the quality of this paper.
Step 15: Add a page of all the things you'd rather be doing than writing this inconsequential paper.
Step 16: Add a page of all the reasons you care about this inconsequential paper.
FINAL AND MOST IMPORTANT STEP: Decorate it with a fancy muffin border :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
