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How To Format A Paper When You're A College Senior

When the going gets tough, the tough triple-space their papers.

Step 1: Be in your senior year of college and have an essay due tomorrow morning.

Step 2: Put words on the page even if those words make zero sense.

Step 3: Somehow still be severely under the page minimum.

Step 4: Commit to doing whatever it takes to make this paper longer (except for actually writing more).

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Step 5: Loosely interpret the Times New Roman, 12-point font guidelines you were given.

You say potato, I say 12.5 is basically the same thing as 12.

Step 6: Make sure you have a two-part title with a semicolon.

Step 7: Let the title spill over to three lines.

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Step 8: Leave a conservative amount of space between the title and the actual essay.

Step 9: Make your punctuation 48-point or larger.

Step 10: Make your line spacing a triple threat.

Step 11: Insert a header that conveniently shifts the paper down a few inches.

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Step 12: Adjust the side margins to 3 inches.

Step 13: Insert a prefatory graph.

Step 14: Add a picture of the grilled cheese you'll get to eat regardless of the quality of this paper.

Step 15: Add a page of all the things you'd rather be doing than writing this inconsequential paper.

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Step 16: Add a page of all the reasons you care about this inconsequential paper.

FINAL AND MOST IMPORTANT STEP: Decorate it with a fancy muffin border :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

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