How To Format A Paper When You're A College Senior

    When the going gets tough, the tough triple-space their papers.

    Step 1: Be in your senior year of college and have an essay due tomorrow morning.

    Step 2: Put words on the page even if those words make zero sense.

    Step 3: Somehow still be severely under the page minimum.

    Step 4: Commit to doing whatever it takes to make this paper longer (except for actually writing more).

    Step 5: Loosely interpret the Times New Roman, 12-point font guidelines you were given.

    You say potato, I say 12.5 is basically the same thing as 12.

    Step 6: Make sure you have a two-part title with a semicolon.

    Step 7: Let the title spill over to three lines.

    Step 8: Leave a conservative amount of space between the title and the actual essay.

    Step 9: Make your punctuation 48-point or larger.

    Step 10: Make your line spacing a triple threat.

    Step 11: Insert a header that conveniently shifts the paper down a few inches.

    Step 12: Adjust the side margins to 3 inches.

    Step 13: Insert a prefatory graph.

    Step 14: Add a picture of the grilled cheese you'll get to eat regardless of the quality of this paper.

    Step 15: Add a page of all the things you'd rather be doing than writing this inconsequential paper.

    Step 16: Add a page of all the reasons you care about this inconsequential paper.

    FINAL AND MOST IMPORTANT STEP: Decorate it with a fancy muffin border :) :) :) :) :) :) :)