You know when you buy 1,000 bobby pins?
And all is right in the universe.
But then after about a week...
You have noticably fewer pins...
And they keep disappearing...
AND KEEP DISAPPEARING.
But where do they all go?
1. Maybe in the netherworld between your car center console and your seat where you can't fit your hands.
2. The Bermuda Triangle.
3. The Island.
4. Wherever the lost Roanoke colony went.
5. The New York Rainforest cafe locations that have been closed since the early naughts.
6. In what boxes remain of the discontinued bread-shaped French Toast Crunch.
7. In the last 1,000 pages of Infinite Jest and the accompanying endnotes that no one has actually read.
8. NOT in Pharrell's hat because that joke has been thoroughly exhausted.
9. Keeping Jared Leto's man bun secure and in place.
10. Scattered throughout the final obstacle course in the historically important children's game show, Legends of the Hidden Temple
11. In the underworld where improperly assembled silver monkey statues go to die.
What could have been.
12. In Kirk Fogg's multipurpose tool/harness belt.
13. Wherever Kirk Fogg is today.
14. Everywhere but in your possession when you urgently need them.
It's a cruel world.
But you can always go out and buy another 1,000 bobby pins.
And then lose them all again.
