If Trump Were To Take Credit For The Virgin Birth, This Is How I Think He’d Do It

This is a parody. It is a joke. Trump did not do or say this, nor did the Virgin Mary give birth inside a Trump Entertainment Resorts property. Parody parody parody.

“The media — about 70% of them are liars, they lie, they’re bad people — will try to tell you it happened in a disgusting barn. Not true. Not true.

“Here’s how it happened. One of my guys sees this beautiful young girl. Very charming. Very, very charming. And he goes, ‘What are you doing in this filthy barn?’

“And she tells him — get this — there’s no room at the inn. No room at the inn for this beautiful girl, pregnant, too. Very pregnant. And my guy, he can’t believe it. No room at the inn? It’s disgraceful. She’s out here in the dark with the donkeys, she’s very pregnant. I mean, disgraceful.

“Now, she’s not married. Very funny situation. There’s an older guy with her, but —you know me. You know Trump. My guy, he’s a good kid, he says to himself, well, sometimes you gotta look the other way. I mean, this is a very, very sad scene. Beautiful young girl, very charming, pregnant, and she’s in this disgusting barn.

“So my guy, he’s good kid, smart kid, went to a very fine school. He tells her, Listen, Mary — this is her name — get out of this filthy barn and come with us.

“Twenty minutes later, this young woman is in a luxurious — lux-ur-io-us — room at one of my properties, giving birth to Christ.

“That’s how it happened. And we’re hosting kings, wise men, all kinds of important people, really dignified people. Angels are telling everyone, You gotta see this. You won’t believe it. The son of God, up at the Trump Bethlehem. It was a beautiful thing.

“The media — and you know, I’ve got some friends who are journalists, but most of them lie, they’re scum — they won’t tell you that.”

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Katherine Miller is the political editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in New York.
Contact Katherine Miller at katherine.miller@buzzfeed.com.

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