4. He stops going far enough
5. He leaves the country
6. The country forgets to vote
7. He bows out because he is confronted with the reality that he will win
8. Hillary Clinton tells him he can stop running
9. He jumps into the Democratic primary
10. He is weakened, spiritually
11. His supporters turn on him for a reason that can’t yet be predicted
12. His supporters leave the country
13. His supporters are revealed to be, to their surprise, undocumented immigrants and therefore unable to vote, and we are also revealed to not be who we believe ourselves to be in both literal and figurative ways, as in the Twilight Zone movie — the one with John Lithgow — and as a freshman philosophy seminar-esque mass hysteria envelops the United States as we consider what identity actually means, the election is postponed
14. His organization struggles to meet the existing requirements to get him on the ballot in various states
15. State Republican Parties begin changing rules to make it more difficult for him to appear on the ballot in various states
16. A tiger eats him
17. Tigers eat most living Republicans
18. The tigers nominate John Kasich
Katherine Miller is the political editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in New York.
Contact Katherine Miller at email@example.com.
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