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These Sex Toys Will Make Your Sex Life Look Bland.

Just when you thought you had that whole ‘sex’ thing down, they change it up again with weird, spinning, vibrating, glow in the dark, fandangled gadgets. You think you’ve seen it all until you’ve seen someone with a dildo strapped to their chin and that's not even the start of it. Yes, these are real products and no, we don't know how to use them.

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The Baby Jesus Butt Plug

This really doesn't need much explaining, does it? It's literally a mould of baby jesus, not just Jesus but Baby Jesus and you're meant to stick it up your butt. This is romance at its finest people. Such a hole-y experience.

Unicorn Tail Butt Plug

Did I miss some kind of memo? Are butt-plugs in at the moment or something? I mean, the unicorn tale is kind of cute, but could we not find some kind of stick on alternative?

A quick Google search helped me to understand how one would use a butt-plug. So, it's like a dildo for your bum. Who knew Wikipedia offered sexual advice these days, but you must ensure your butt plug has a "flanged end to avoid the device getting lost in your rectum." I think if you're worried about stuff getting lost in your rectum, maybe you shouldn't be jamming things up their in the first place.

The Chin Dildo

Now, I'm not 100% versed in the world of facial dildos, but my guess here is that it's purpose is to offer some kind of double penetration/cunnilingus deal. Think of it like killing two birds with one stone, your sexual needs are catered for and you get to store the mental image of your partner with a penis strapped to their face. What a dick head. This is amazing.

The Fisting Glove

Now this one I kind of understand. Not because I'm some kind of anal fisting fan, but if I was going to stick my forearm inside of someone, I'd want to be wearing some kind of protective glove. But then again, if this is the stuff that you're into then hygienic qualities probably aren't really much of a turn on.

Maybe it's more about the aesthetic appeal. Your partner stares across the room into your eyes while they slowly slide on the fisting glove and you know exactly what's going to happen next.

The Hot Doll. For those who like it ruff.

Pouchy pounding. It's a worldwide epidemic. You only have to go to your local park to see the widespread effects. If your dogs not humping someone else's Labrador, then he's probably humping your leg. Help the little guy out (not in the way you weirdo) Buy him he's very own sexy doll, complete with vaginal hole and all! Your puppy can hump his way into dinner time while you enjoy having the full use of your leg back. Win, win.

The Vajankle.

Having a wank just got more interesting. Why unload into a regular plastic vagina when you can do it into an extremely life-like, hacked off foot!

The possibilities these days truly are endless.

Mr. Jack with moustache.

Now, I'm not really sure how this works. It appears to be a bearded scrotum with some kind of smoothed edged spike system inside the 'mouth'. There is a remote attached too. For what? Vibration? Heating? Changing the channel? Who knows really.

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