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    22 Things That Happen On Every Essex Night Out

    "Essex! Essex! Essex!"

    1. It takes you at least two hours to get ready before a big night out.

    First you have to put in your hair extensions, then your rollers, then you need to have a relaxing bath, and then you have to eat dinner. And finally you need to decide what to wear and how to do your make up.

    2. And you always pre drink Prosecco while you get ready.

    3. On the way out, one of your friends always drunkenly says, "Fuck it, shall we just go to London?"

    Via Flickr: adrianoaurelio

    Which prompts a mass debate about the pros and cons of making the journey, which puts at least another 30 minutes between you and a Jägerbomb.

    4. If you’re all drunk enough to think heading to London is a good idea, there’s the inevitable moment of retreat when the taxi driver tells you it'll cost well over a oner for it.


    "Shall we just got to Spoons then?"

    5. But you inevitably decide against it and head into Essex.


    By the time you get to the club, you know that you and your mates look FAF.

    6. If you end up having a ~big night~ in Chelmsford, you’re guaranteed to run into someone from your past. Probably in Evoke.

    7. But no night will ever compare to that one banging night you had in Bas Vegas.

    8. If you're in a bigger club, there’s always one group of lads who literally just throw their arms around and jump everywhere.


    They're probably from Witham.

    9. Which is all well and good until one of them spills his drink on you. Then it's war.

    10. There's always one girl who removes her false eyelashes in the toilets 10 minutes after entering the club.

    11. And another one who has to be put on a strict alcohol ban after you’ve been in the club for literally half an hour.


    There's always someone who can't handle their Prosecco.

    12. And let's not forget the member of your group who is just waaaaaay too orange.

    13. If none of your friends look too orange, there's a very real possibility that it might be you.

    Walt Disney / Via

    You'll find out when the promoter uploads the "professional pictures" a few days later.

    14. The ladies toilets in Missoula are pretty much on a constant loop of, "OH MY GOD"s.


    15. There's always a group of guys chanting, "Essex! Essex!" on the high street in between bars.


    They might not even be from Essex; it's just something we do here.

    16. And at some point you'll run into your mate’s mum and she’ll be more pissed than you.


    "Bloody hell Sandra, what've you been up to tonight?! Does your Adam know what you're up to?!"

    17. In reality, the likelihood of running into someone from TOWIE in Sugar Hut is pretty slim.

    18. But there's a strong possibility you’ll run into someone who is currently trying to become an extra on TOWIE.


    And it's cringe because you swear they never used to talk like that.

    19. At the end of the night, the club will play "Mr Brightside" and you'll all go absolutely mental and throw some serious shapes.

    20. Before stumbling around the corner to the local pizza place for a kebab.

    21. Of course, one of you will drop your burger on the floor.

    22. And when you climb into bed at the end of the night, you'll think about how you'll never have a night out quite like the ones you have with your chums in Essex.

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