1. The lack of cheddar cheese. What other type of cheese could you possibly way? I mean, Gouda really doesn't cut it, does it?
2. People who complain about their country's public transport. Have you ever experienced a delay on the London underground? Do you know the struggle?
3. Thinly-sliced bacon. Bacon should be chewy, thick, and delicious. It should not have the consistency of a crisp.
4. Non-queuers. WHERE IS THE EFFICIENCY IN THAT? IT'S BARBARIC.
5. Why we are the only ones in shorts once spring hits. How does the rest of the world still manage to rock a way better tan than us by summer? How is that fair?
6. Being made to feel guilty about day drinking. After all, what else are we going to spend our Sunday afternoons doing?
7. People being obsessed with the "British" accent. For starters, Britain is home to many accents that are almost impossible to group together. And let's not even get into the fact that they're most likely obsessed with a poor impression of a British accent by Dick Van Dyke. He didn't sound British, and neither do you.
8. The obsession with the royal family. Sure, the babies are cute and Kate's hair is nice, but really, that's about as far as it goes. Also, there is no question more annoying than "You're British? So, like, you've met the Queen?" No.
9. Where are the baked beans? Why haven't the rest of you cottoned onto the fact that they're utterly delicious. Plus you can eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
10. Having tea without milk. Let's not even get onto the subject of fruity teas, or even worse, COLD tea. As in, tea that has been purposefully made and consumed cold. Ugh.
11. The lack of fried breakfasts. Croissants and jam, get outta here. Proper breakfasts should be fried. End of.
12. Skinny, homeless cats. In the UK, most cats are fed by 3 or 4 different homes at a time. They play us all off against each other.
13. Why people don't say "sorry" more. How has nobody else cottoned on to the fact that EVERYTHING is better with the word "sorry" before it? Everyone is far less likely to take offense if you start off with "Sorry, but...".
14. Having to pay for healthcare. How do people even afford that on top of all of their other monthly expenses?
15. Downton Abbey fans. Particularly their assumptions that it's any kind of reflection on what life in Britain is really like.
16. How hard life must be without Tesco. Where does everyone else go to buy food, clothes, electronics, and last minute birthday cards?
17. How much people love our flag. The idea of wearing a t-shirt with the Union Jack on it brings on all kinds of cringe for us Brits, so what's the fascination with everyone else sporting it?
18. Why people find the American version of The Office funny. Have they even seen the (*cough* original *cough*) British version? How can ANYBODY compare to Ricky Gervais' level of comedy? They can't.
19. How people can afford to commute for work. We have to re-mortgage our houses if we want to commute on public transport to work. So how is the rest of the world managing to do it?
20. The point of owning a coffee machine. It just seems like it would take up counter space you could be using to store your sugar and tea bags.
21. What the rest of you mean when you order a "kebab". No, I definitely do not mean meat on a stick. I'm talking about questionable meat stuffed inside a pitta with (maybe) some salad. And lots of that sauce.
22. Why EVERYONE feels the need to make jokes about British weather. We know it's crap, we live here!
23. The unnecessary formality of calling everyone Sir, Ma'am, Mr. or Mrs. I'm certainly no 'ma'am'. Just "Kate" will do, thanks!
24. People who don't respect personal space. Seriously, why do you feel the need to stand so close to everyone? If you can feel body heat, you're probably a bit too close.
25. When people say we use "British English". There is no such thing as "British English". There is English and then there is American English.
26. People who actually answer, "How are you?" We don't actually want an honest answer to that question. You're just supposed to say you're fine and ask how I am, to which I respond saying I am also fine. It doesn't matter if you actually aren't fine.
27. Why people are always making jokes about our teeth. The right kind of gap or a slight crooked tooth can literally MAKE a model's career over here.