Quiz

BuzzFeed Staff, Canada

BuzzFeed

Just in case a certain someone becomes president and you need to <a href="https://www.buzzfeed.com/juliegerstein/theres-a-dating-site-to-find-sexy-canadian-dates-in-donald-t">GTFO of America</a>.

Just in case a certain someone becomes president and you need to GTFO of America.

Find The Canadian Who Will Give You A Green Card Marriage

Oh, man, Dustin just thinks you're the coolest, and it breaks his heart to think you'd be stuck in America when you could be living in beautiful Canada. The fake marriage will only take up a few years, and in the meantime, you two can just hang out, drinks beers, and be best friends. And hey, with you around, Dustin's finally got enough people to start a curling team! This'll be the best fake marriage ever, eh?

Dustin will totally give you a green card marriage, bud!

See, Holden's a comedian. A CANADIAN comedian. Which means that all he wants is to get a U.S. Visa or a green card so he can try to make it big in the States. Because as all Canadians know, you're not actually successful until you're successful outside of Canada. So he'll definitely enter into a fake marriage with you, but you'll be the one supporting _his_ dreams while he visits dozens of open mics and makes you read his pilot about lonely white men. Good luck with that.

Holden wants a green card marriage, but not the kind you want.

Oh, man, if only you'd asked her a few days ago! But while she was visiting Brooklyn last week, she met a really sweet graphic designer named Dakota, and he agreed to invest in her fledgling poutine business if she agreed to marry him for a few years. She couldn't pass up that opportunity! They tied the knot last Tuesday and they seem to be hitting it off pretty well. Darn, so close!

Sandra's already in a green card marriage!

You met Rebecca during Sufjan Stevens' set at Coachella, but even though she thinks you're totally rad, she just can't commit to a legal arrangement that could tie her down for several years. She doesn't even know where she's going to be _tomorrow_, you know? (I mean, she's probably flying back to Montreal, but WHO KNOWS??) Plus, she's really gotta focus on her handmade jewellery business.

Rebecca won't marry you.

Benoît sympathizes with your situation, but he's just finishing up his master's degree in bio-medical engineering, and then he's heading to Oxford to complete his PhD. He doesn't even know when he'll be back in Canada! But if you ever find yourself in the U.K., look him up, and he'll buy you a pint.

Benoît isn't gonna marry you.

Now that all her kids are grown up and she's been on her own for a while, Roberta is finally ready to enjoy her twilight years of freedom. The last thing she needs is _another_ spouse to answer to. But hey, she thinks you're quite a pretty young thing, so if you're up for some no-strings-attached fun, Roberta is totally down to clown.

Roberta will not marry you.

Even though Andrew knows it would be a _fake_ marriage and he himself has no problem helping you leave the country, there's just no way he could hide that kind of huge life decision from his parents. And frankly, he has a way bigger problem with lying to his parents about a fake marriage than with lying to immigration officials. But, uh, do you still wanna make out a little?

Sorry, Andrew won't marry you.

"Um, green card marriages are _illegal_, you know. Leave me alone."

Melanie won't marry you.

All Jasper cares about is a quiet life in the Canadian wilderness, working as a simple lumberjack, swinging from tree to tree, his life free of any complications. And do you know what a green card marriage is? A complication. The hardest decision Jasper ever wants to make is whether to buy another flannel shirt. He's not your ticket out of America, but he could build you a pretty sweet dining room table (as long as you pay the shipping fees).

Jasper won't marry you.

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Find The Canadian Who Will Give You A Green Card Marriage

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