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    27 Tweets That'll Make You Chuckle And Good Lord, It Feels Good To Laugh Again

    "Stop naming your babies James. Name him Jame. He is one Jame."

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    Just found a penguin skeleton in the road. Poor little fella 😢

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    i pulled out my insulin pump in class and sarah leans over and goes “is that the new iphone 10!?”. fuck u sarah it’s diabetes

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    White people when Mr. Brightside starts playing at a party

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    [slipping DJ $20] my good sir would you turn it down a skooch

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    My 6yo Santa skeptic was told to write a letter to Santa at school. So he did...

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    hi, grandma? can u come pick me up from my rap battle? it's over. no, i lost. he saw u drop me off & did a pretty devastating rhyme about it

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    [walking around still disappointed 6 hours after visiting an aquarium] wife: what did you think a tiger shark was, brent

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    tell us how the fuck santa gets to all them houses in one day

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    date: is this because i called Leonardo the red one me: [driving her home early] I'm just tired

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    *dumps Gatorade on an alligator* How does your family taste you green piece of shit

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    HER: I'm leaving you ME: why HER: u lie to me constantly ME: ha! u don't just leave the man who invented the spatula Amber

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    wife: I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it me: [peeing on jellyfish] this is for stinging my wife

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    “SANDRA CAN YOU OPEN THIS FUCKING THING BIT OF A SITUATION HERE”

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    “Did you cum?” Yeah out of my cage and I’ve been doing just fine

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    me: (texting boss) we still on for work today? boss: yes. you dont have to text me this every morning. we're "on" for work every day mon-fri

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    [stuart little stops next to me at the light in his fuckin sweet ass little red car] my gf, immediately: i think we should see other people

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    me: any historical figure? wizard: that’s right [later at dinner] Beethoven: you seem disappointed me: *hiding dog treats* it’s fine

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    [meeting girlfriend's parents] her dad: we'll be seeing more of each other then? me: *points to girlfriend* I have a girlfriend

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    stop naming your babies James. name him Jame. he is one Jame.

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    I'm sorry Ms. Jackson (Oooooo)/ I am four eels/ Never meant to make your daughter cry/ I am several fish and not a guy

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