back to top

Proof That Christopher Pike Wrote Some Pretty Fucked-Up Books For Teens

SEXY LIZARD TEENS.

Posted on

Let's face it: R.L. Stine usually gets all the glory when it comes to YA horror of the 1990s. After all, everybody and their dog read Goosebumps in their youth.

Scholastic / Via dazeddigital.com

Or, if you were a little bit older, you probably ditched Goosebumps and read Fear Street instead.

And why not? They were scary as hell.
Simon Pulse / Via shocktillyoudrop.com

And why not? They were scary as hell.

But let us not forget that some of the best YA horror of the '90s also came from none other than Christopher Pike.

(And yes, the "Christopher Pike" pen name comes from the Star Trek character.)
J. Peter Siriprakorn / Flickr Creative Commons / Via Flickr: speedypete

(And yes, the "Christopher Pike" pen name comes from the Star Trek character.)

Pike's novels felt like they were for the slightly more ~mature~ YA reader, because they frequently included references to people (gasp!) having sex and doing drugs. The books were also, without a doubt, COMPLETELY BONKERS (in the best way).

And Pike often doesn't get the credit he deserves.
J. Peter Siriprakorn / Flickr Creative Commons / Via Flickr: speedypete

And Pike often doesn't get the credit he deserves.

Here are just SOME of Pike's best storylines that blew teenagers' minds:

1. Teens framing each other for murder!

Hey, so your brother killed himself because your best friend wouldn't go out with him. You know how you should get your revenge? Frame her for murdering you. Obviously. Fun fact: Fall Into Darkness was turned into a made-for-TV movie starring Tatiana Ali and Jonathan Brandis (RIP).
Simon Pulse / Via amazon.ca

Hey, so your brother killed himself because your best friend wouldn't go out with him. You know how you should get your revenge? Frame her for murdering you. Obviously.

Fun fact: Fall Into Darkness was turned into a made-for-TV movie starring Tatiana Ali and Jonathan Brandis (RIP).

2. Teens faking their own deaths!

Her boyfriend let people think they had sex. Faking your death seems like a reasonable reaction, yeah.
Simon Pulse / Via amazon.com

Her boyfriend let people think they had sex. Faking your death seems like a reasonable reaction, yeah.

3. Teens ACTUALLY murdering their best friends!

But only because her best friend's boyfriend took over her body, so it's totes fine.
Simon Pulse / Via paperbackswap.com

But only because her best friend's boyfriend took over her body, so it's totes fine.

4. Murder-solving ghost teens!

This book starts with the main character getting pushed off a fourth-storey balcony and totally dying, meaning she has to solve her own murder from beyond the graaaaave! And there's some alcoholism and diabetes and incest thrown in there for good measure. (For reals, though, this was probably Pike's best work.)
Simon Pulse / Via chamberfour.wordpress.com

This book starts with the main character getting pushed off a fourth-storey balcony and totally dying, meaning she has to solve her own murder from beyond the graaaaave! And there's some alcoholism and diabetes and incest thrown in there for good measure. (For reals, though, this was probably Pike's best work.)

5. Pervy teens who hide cameras in the girls' showers at school!

And, obviously, he accidentally photographs what looks like a murder. And then an evil teen murders her friends by forcing them to overdose on cocaine. OBVIOUSLY.
Simon Pulse / Via likepike.blogspot.ca

And, obviously, he accidentally photographs what looks like a murder. And then an evil teen murders her friends by forcing them to overdose on cocaine. OBVIOUSLY.

6. Awkward teens who are secretly best-selling authors!

Like if Gordon Korman wanted to be Dean Koontz or something. (And yes, there is murder involved, because WHEN IS IT NOT.)
Simon Pulse / Via likepike.blogspot.ca

Like if Gordon Korman wanted to be Dean Koontz or something. (And yes, there is murder involved, because WHEN IS IT NOT.)

7. Serial killer teens!

There's a LOT of detail about how he sneaks into his victims' houses and smashes their heads in with a hammer. THIS WAS A BOOK FOR CHILDREN.
Simon Pulse / Via amazon.ca

There's a LOT of detail about how he sneaks into his victims' houses and smashes their heads in with a hammer. THIS WAS A BOOK FOR CHILDREN.

8. Terminally ill teens!

And they gather at midnight in their hospice to share their own spooky stories. It's Are You Afraid of the Dark? crossed with The Fault in our Stars.
Simon Pulse / Via likepike.blogspot.ca

And they gather at midnight in their hospice to share their own spooky stories. It's Are You Afraid of the Dark? crossed with The Fault in our Stars.

9. Immortal teens!

This girl straight-up lives until the end of the universe and then re-lives all of time over and over, but as different people each time. HOW THE HELL DID TEENAGE READERS HANDLE THIS SHIT?
Simon Pulse / Via amazon.com

This girl straight-up lives until the end of the universe and then re-lives all of time over and over, but as different people each time. HOW THE HELL DID TEENAGE READERS HANDLE THIS SHIT?

10. Time-travelling teens!

Travelling back into their teenage bodies in order to prevent a terrible future in spaaaaaace! (There's also a huge rip-off of War Games near the end of this one.)
Simon Pulse / Via amazon.ca

Travelling back into their teenage bodies in order to prevent a terrible future in spaaaaaace! (There's also a huge rip-off of War Games near the end of this one.)

11. Vampire teens!

No, not vampire teens of the Twilight variety, but the kind that frequently and brutally murders people, and when they tell her they don't want to die, she just replies, "Then you never should have been born." WAY HARSH, TAI.
Simon Pulse / Via amazon.ca

No, not vampire teens of the Twilight variety, but the kind that frequently and brutally murders people, and when they tell her they don't want to die, she just replies, "Then you never should have been born." WAY HARSH, TAI.

12. Teens who are actually reincarnated Greek gods!

Greek gods who murder each other by mixing glass into a hamburger and feeding it to their enemies. GOOD GOD, CHRISTOPHER PIKE, THAT IS SOME MESSED-UP SHIT.
Simon Pulse / Via amazon.ca

Greek gods who murder each other by mixing glass into a hamburger and feeding it to their enemies. GOOD GOD, CHRISTOPHER PIKE, THAT IS SOME MESSED-UP SHIT.

13. Teens who are secretly robots!

This book starts as a typical "VCR that records the future" book, then somehow becomes "and SHE WAS A ROBOT THE ENTIRE TIME." (And if you don't know what a VCR is, stop reading this because it's past your bedtime.)
Simon Pulse / Via yarevisited.blogspot.ca

This book starts as a typical "VCR that records the future" book, then somehow becomes "and SHE WAS A ROBOT THE ENTIRE TIME." (And if you don't know what a VCR is, stop reading this because it's past your bedtime.)

14. Evil ghost teens manipulating former friends into killing themselves!

Yeesh, how to even describe this one? Two teens return home to find their town empty, except for three of their schoolmates. They eventually realize that a girl named Betty Sue, who recently killed herself (by BURNING HERSELF TO DEATH, WHAT THE FUCK), has written terrible stories in which each of them die — and then the stories start coming true! Then it turns out Betty Sue is also reincarnated as an evil fetus or something? This book was so fucked up, you guys. It was awesome.
Simon Pulse / Via amazon.ca

Yeesh, how to even describe this one? Two teens return home to find their town empty, except for three of their schoolmates. They eventually realize that a girl named Betty Sue, who recently killed herself (by BURNING HERSELF TO DEATH, WHAT THE FUCK), has written terrible stories in which each of them die — and then the stories start coming true! Then it turns out Betty Sue is also reincarnated as an evil fetus or something? This book was so fucked up, you guys. It was awesome.

And, perhaps most insane of all...

15. SEXY LIZARD TEENS.

You wouldn't think that a novel titled Scavenger Hunt would end with a couple of sexy teenagers revealing themselves as SUPER OLD DINOSAUR PEOPLE, but here we are.
Simon Pulse / Via amazon.ca

You wouldn't think that a novel titled Scavenger Hunt would end with a couple of sexy teenagers revealing themselves as SUPER OLD DINOSAUR PEOPLE, but here we are.

Bless you, Christopher Pike, for filling our childhoods with the most fucked-up horror stories EVER.

Paramount / Via youtube.com