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1. A TubShroom first and foremost, because why don't you have this already?! Your drains are suffering! Stop showering in standing water!
2. A pack of pimple patches for tackling adult acne once and for all by draining zits overnight and reducing the lifetime of your breakout faster than you can say pop.
3. A pair of blackout curtains to help you get some SLEEP for once past 6 a.m. All you need to do on your end is shut these before bed for instant 🙏 darkness 🙏 that'll last until your alarm goes off.
4. A pack of floss picks, because it's high time you have a positive dentist appointment. It's also time you eat salads without wondering how much of it is in your teeth (though maybe you should stick to pizza, just in case).
5. A reusable tote that'll make you actually feel motivated to bring leftovers to work. Prepare to be amazed at how much money you'll save.
6. A wrinkle-release spray so you can make a very simple choice: this easy-to-use spray, or wearing messy-looking clothing. Obviously, dry-cleaning is not even on the table — unless money is indeed suddenly growing on trees.
7. A pack of toilet-cleaning gels, because this'll be an easy way to keep your toilet sparkling without the dreaded bathroom *doody*. It cleans every time you flush, making this every lazy adult's dream come true.
8. A pack of mini file organizers to keep and REMEMBER your receipts instead of crumpling them at the bottom of your bag. Not only will this help you track expenses (especially those that'll get you *cough cough* tax returns), but make purchases more memorable so you stop thoughtlessly swiping that card.
9. A tub of heavy-duty cleaning wipes, because these'll conquer scary messes wherever they happened — including on your carpet. Meaning: these are about to become your version of cleaning if you're not even sure how to use a vacuum (and people will have no idea).
10. A bottle of Garnier micellar water for easily removing makeup, purifying pores, and cleansing your skin, even if you "forgot" to wash your face again. Growing up apparently means not going to bed with makeup on anymore. Sad face.
11. A set of large mesh laundry bags that'll upgrade your washing routine from "hope I don't ruin all my bras" to "wow, my delicates last so long now." We're still never going to do a separate load, so this'll do the trick.
12. A bottle of BarKeepers cleaning solution so you can easily scrub rust, surface scratches, burnt grease, and even Sharpie marks away on all of your surfaces. Would you look at that — your kitchen is suddenly presentable.
13. A window-insulation kit, because this'll make sure your heating bill stays under control. This'll make sure you don't have to turn the heat up so much (especially if you have a drafty house), and increase energy efficiency.
14. A four-way cleaning brush for making worn-out shoes look brand-new again, instead of buying new boots every flipping fall. You said these were THE ONE last year — it's time to put an end to limitless shopping (sad, I know). But now you'll be excited to wear them again!
15. A dishwasher magnet to have a non-aggressive way to communicate with roommates whether the dishes are clean or dirty — or it can serve as a much-needed reminder to yourself to run the dishwasher.
16. An attachable aerator so you can transform cheap wine into the fanciest-tasting adult juice you've ever had. It infuses oxygen to release the vino's ~aromas~ and bolden the taste right out of the bottle — so basically your leftover pizza is about to get a very upscale pairing.
17. A pair of blue light glasses, because these'll help you read emails without a headache (at least from the blue light). These minimize ~digital eye strain~ to help you avoid any midday crashes caused by your glaring screen so you actually stay in the zone.
18. A wireless charging pad for accepting you are TOO OLD to be asking people if they have a charger. It's also time to outgrow trying to deal with frayed wires.
19. A meal-planning pad with two sides: one to brainstorm weekly dishes and the other to keep track of groceries. Now you can actually make your own food, instead of wasting all your money on takeout. It even has a magnetic back to put on the fridge so it's almost impossible to forget to use.
20. A bitter-tasting varnish so you can join the thousands of people who stopped biting their nails, even after years of doing so whenever stressed. It dries clear, but leaves a terrible taste so your brain is trained to STOP munching and direct your attention to another stress-reliever. Anything that doesn't leave your fingers bleeding is an improvement.
21. A very entertaining activity book, because this'll help you take your mind off the day's 💩 scenarios and navigate the constant stress of adulthood through multiple fun outlets — maybe today you'll colour a soothing grandma, the next create your own underground bunker.
22. A mini knife sharpener that'll make those inexpensive knives you've had since freshman year of college are suddenly useable again. Good news: you can cook now! I'm sure you're thrilled.
23. A set of travel cutlery that comes with its own carrying case, so you don't have to rely on plastic knives and forks to eat your lunch at work. Plus, they look so pretty!
Being an adult really just means you're allowed to do this:
