1. Try as you might, you just don't get the big fuss about hockey.
2. It's not that you hate hockey; you just don't care.
3. You definitely don't like when hockey games pre-empt your favourite TV shows.
4. You care so little about the sport that you don't even refer to hockey by its name.
5. You don't understand why people don't give as much attention to Canada's other official sport, lacrosse.
6. Your hockey-loving friends are often horrified at just how little you know about their obsession.
Shouldn't you have absorbed SOME hockey knowledge by now?
7. Like when you found out that hockey games only have three periods, not four.
8. Or when they ask you to name a hockey player other than Wayne Gretzky.
9. Or even to just name some hockey teams.
10. You just don't get why fighting is such a big part of the game.
11. The Vancouver riots after the Canucks lost the Stanley Cup completely confused you.
12. You're similarly perplexed by people who are disappointed when a team that always loses keeps losing.
13. But you you DO feel proud when Canada's men and women's hockey teams take gold at the Winter Olympics.
(Especially when they win over the U.S., heh heh heh.)
14. Not that you actually watch the games, of course.
15. And once the Olympics are over, win or lose, you go right back to giving negative shits about hockey.
16. But you still love movies about hockey.
You're not a complete monster.