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Literally Just A Bunch Of Funny Tweets About Going To Coffee Time

"Caffeine is the third-most common drug sold at Coffee Time."

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1. On expectations:

Got coffee at local crackhouse/Coffee Time. Not nearly as bad as I thought. At most, 3 crackheads in there, maybe only 1 was real deal.

2. On regular customers:

Old gross Woman sitting outside coffee time, smoking, and in her bathing suit. It's good to be alive.

3. On meeting friends:

Help what's the reaction GIF for when someone non-ironically suggests meeting up at Coffee Time?! 😱

4. On evolving neighbourhoods:

When a Coffee Time closes and becomes a payday loan place, is that called "noitacifirtneg"?


5. On demographics:

I get the feeling that Coffee Time's largest demographic is people with cars that break down outside of a Coffee Time.

6. On failed flavours:

Sadly, Coffee Time’s “Blumpkin Spice” never took off this fall.

7. On real estate:

I can't wait until I can afford to live in a condo that was once a Coffee Time.

8. On coffee rituals:

At any given moment there are 8 people watching a portable DVD player in any Coffee Time


9. On anagrams:

Dear Coffee Time, did you know that an anagram for your name is Mice Toffee. Anyway, I know it's a lateral move but maybe think about it.

10. On poetry:

The greatest poem ever written was by a lonely old man sitting in a coffee time.

11. On makeup:

I feel like the woman on this bus is putting on JUST enough make up for her shift at Coffee Time/Hot Dog Stand/Murder

12. On caffeine:

Caffeine is the 3rd most common drug sold at Coffee Time.


13. On confusion:

This is only the 2nd time in my life I've been inside a Coffee Time but do they all sell cigarettes and Chinese food? Cause this is weird

14. On near-death experiences:

I was discussing events when I've almost died and apparently eating a cookie from Coffee Time doesn't count.

15. On personality quizzes:

Quiz: "What Coffee Time Location Are You?" I got South Barrie!

16. On celebrities:

Saw Ron Sexsmith leaving a Coffee Time. I'd say he's just like the rest of us, but I'd be wrong.


17. On sex:

Can't cum if I'm within 400 yards of a Coffee Time

18. On admitting your personal failings:

I eat at coffee time way too much to make fun of coffee time.

19. And on not giving in to peer pressure:

Fuck your hack jokes Coffee Time coffee tastes good.

Coffee Time tastes like what I image the coffee in Twin Peaks tastes like: good.