1.
Having studied my habits and preferences, my daughter hacked my attention this morning for her political agenda
2.
get you someone who looks at you the way my brother looks at potatoes
3.
My daughter brings a checklist to stores now and just makes random checks. It makes everyone uncomfortable.
4.
My son got his report card today and academically he did well but his teacher wrote a note specifying “ he needs to use kind words with friends “ . I asked him about it and he said “ My friends are dumb and they need to know “
5.
Why my little sister choose to be the chicken from Moana instead of just being Moana 😐😂❤️
6.
My son just traded a chicken tender to my daughter in exchange for a bite of burger and now they're quietly chanting “Meat for meat.”
7.
LMFAOOOOOOOOO I just walked in on my son eating wings in the bathtub 😭😭😭
8.
My daughter started crying at the dentist office bc the dentist “is a boy” and the dentist said “sorry, there are no girl dentists at this office” & my daughter looked at me & said “why did we come here.”
9.
My daughter and her friends have grown up to refer to commercials of any kind as "Skip Ads". Usage Example: "I saw this really funny kitten in a skip ad yesterday." https://t.co/Pj5VPwiKeX
10.
My daughter asked me how to spell my name so she can write it down, then hands this to me. Y’all.......... tell me this isn’t a grave https://t.co/vH0hQMRCUm
11.
My daughter actually submitted this feedback at school. Not sure if I should ground her or buy her ice cream...
12.
My little sister came home crying “ they keep saying I look like cardi B “ I LOST ITTTT 😂😂😂😂😂😂
13.
i asked my 8 yr old sister what she wanted to b when she grew up & she said “i actually dnt wanna b anything”. & when i asked her why not she said “its too much work”. i never felt anything on a spiritual level more than that right there
14.
And here is a video of my little sister trying to pronounce the word "who"😭😭😭😭
15.
My 3 y/o daughter made her first pun today and I almost cried. She was eating an apple I asked her if she liked apples she said apple-lutely
16.
My 4 yr old nephew's hobby horse is called 'my noble Steve' because he misheard the word 'steed' and I am dying.
17.
My kid did an interview with her cat
18.
HR at my work just called me and i thought i was in trouble for something but they just let me know my 11-year-old sister has been commenting on their instagram every day telling them to give me a raise
19.
My sister caught my 3yo niece spinning in a circle alone in a room and kissing the page of a book. When she peeked at the page she was kissing... 😂😆 https://t.co/TdgtfVb0qx
20.
my sister forgot she was babysitting our cousin before she started recording I'm crying
21.
My sister is quite the speller
22.
mum has just found a draw full off piss that my 3 year old brother has been pissing in and he blamed the dog HAHA!!!
23.
My little brother is ridiculous
24.
My brother & his wife left a shopping list unattended, their 6-year-old son got to it, and ...
25.
Someone ate my sisters’ leftovers..... she been like this for 2 hours😂😂
26.
My 2yo said she is a grown up. I told her she isn't, that she is a toddler. She replied, "No, I'm a grown up. I'm going to touch knives."
27.
[At dinner] Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat? Me: Probably like 90% D: So it's 10% balls? Me: *spits out food*
28.
The ONLY way my nephew likes going to school is if I GAS HIM UP ⛽️😂😂
29.
I was arguing with my husband and my son screamed "yay! TWO christmases!" from the other room.
30.
5 yr old son: Mommy, I forgot that I shouldn't pick my nose. But it's ok, I put it back in my nose after. He says while holding my hand.
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Me: "Wake up... it's time to get ready for school." 5 yr old: "Wait- we're doing that AGAIN today?" (The feeling is mutual, kid.)
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34.
6yo: Can I turn on the hose outside? Me: Ya, ask Mommy - she's out there 6yo: I can't Me: Why not? 6yo: She already said "no"
35.
10pm & refusing sleep, my 6yo is trying to get a loose tooth out & yelling "I'm a man, I can DO this, for god's sake". Kids are fun.
36.
37.
My 1-year-old insisted that I read her this book. It's going to be a long morning.
38.
So my daughter sent home the best camp letter ever.
39.
My friend's toddler babbled "don't forget to subscribe" as he was put to bed. Kid watches so much YouTube he thought it means "goodbye"
40.
We always get each other ironic gifts, my little niece killed it this year.
41.
i ask my toddler what's in the box she's holding. "chaos!" she replies. "chaos! chaos!" i know she's trying to say "crayons," but it's not like she's wrong.
42.
I heard a little girl ask her mom for “party muffins” and I know she meant cupcakes but I don’t care I’m calling them party muffins from now on
43.
My 11-year old's birthday card to me. #blessed
44.
This kid asked me for some skittles but I had just finished them so he stared at me like this the entire flight
45.
best part of working from home is having your 5y/o run in while you're on a conference call and cry "I accidentally peed in the wrong place"
46.
my little cousin rolled up like "so I heard you wanted a brownie" 😐
47.
When you're not hungry for the whole pizza, but you still don't want to share. -4yo life hack
48.
The kids I nanny asked why I wanted to see Incredibles 2 and I said because the first one came out when I was a kid and they really asked .... If it was in color
49.
I gave a little kid some frozen yogurt today at work, and his mom says “okay, what do you say?” And he looks me dead in the eyes and says “I love you” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
50.
