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Brits Explain 17 Things That Confuse The Hell Out Of Canadians

Finally, the answers we've been looking for.

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Last week, we revealed to the U.K. that there were more than a few things about their mysterious land that perplex Canadians.

Luckily for us, our lovely friends at BuzzFeed U.K. were kind enough to answer our questions. Here's what they offered as explanations... although some of their answers raise even more questions, honestly:

Flo: Because pants are pants and trousers are trousers. What you got against the humble trouser?


Laura: I prefer to call them knickers, actually.


Paul: Because we are fancy as FUCK and clearly you are not.

Flo: Because fancy is a fun word to say. FANNNNCEEEEEEE.

Hilary: Because you dress up so FANCY. We feel fancy in our cheap costumes bought from ASDA for £9.99. Or - more usually - our tiger onesies from Primark. I'm worried for you Canada. Do you not feel fancy in your costumes? So sad.

Laura: England hates its children.

Richard: Because in the U.K. it's important to crush individuality at a young age so that all children grow up to miserable and grumpy. It's the British way and we will change it for nobody.

Hilary: The official line was that it prevents people being bullied if their parents can't afford cool trainers etc. but it doesn't really work. It just creates a competition to see who can fuck around with their uniform the most and customise it by hiking your skirt up, messing about with your tie and putting a thumb hole in your jumper. So cool.


Laura: You can't tumble-dry cashmere, duh.

Richard: Hang them on a drying rack and then they don't get creased, then you don't have to iron them, ironing is the worst thing in the world.

Flo: WE DO. Where did this myth come from? My mum has a dryer. (I don't because my house is too small.) And if I need to dry clothes in a hurry I take them to my mum's house and use her DRYER.

5. Conversely, why are your hairdryers so insanely powerful?

Oscar & Klaus / Via

Paul: You guys don't need your hair to be URGENTLY dry and ionised? Like, right now? You've NEVER had that happen? Come on.

Richard: It's because after the war we had to use hair dryers to propel ourselves on skateboards because nobody could afford cars, and all our cars had been blown up or scrapped and used as material for building more planes.

Hilary: Why are yours NOT powerful, Canada? How long does it take you to dry your hair, like a week? Shame. We're busy British folks, we have places to be. Plus it rains so much we have to dry our hair like 109198 times a day.

6. Why don’t you use air conditioners?


Laura: Because the temperature in England never gets above or below tepid.

Hilary: We suffer... and also bitch about it on Twitter. And we enjoy bitching about the heat so much we'd block attempts to fit air conditioners country-wide as we'd be denied our grumble-time.

Paul: I bought an air conditioner on wheels from gumtree for £30 and it's the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Everyone needs to get on this to be honest.

7. When you’re interested in dating someone, why do you say you “fancy” them? Why can’t you just say you like them?

Def Jam/Virgin EMI / Via

Richard: We use "like" as well but that's a level above fancy. You can fancy people from films and TV and stuff, and maybe you fancy a few people at work, but if you "like" someone it means you are into them and want to date them and marry them and buy a house in the countryside and buy a French Bulldog with them.

Paul: NAH SON "LIKE" means something else. Usually heart related. Fancying someone usually just means you want to get in their pants. UNDERPANTS, FINE, UNDERPANTS.

Laura: Because "dating" sounds too fancy.


8. What’s with your obsession with tea?

Emmaisabelle / Thinkstock

Paul: It's refreshing and we're still a bit suspicious of coffee.

Hilary: The country was taken over by Twinings Tea Co. in an aggressive coup in 1898. They control our puppet government. We have to say we like tea or they send death squads too our homes. Also, idk. Maybe because it's hot and it's cold in Britain?


9. What is the difference between a crumpet and an English muffin?

Robert Anthony / Hemera

Flo: There is so much difference I don't even know where to begin, they are two entirely different baked goods. The only thing they have in common is their shape and size. They are made differently, eaten with different things, they taste different, they have different textures. Seriously read a book.

Richard: Crumpets have patented "holes of joy", which isn't a sexual thing, even though it sounds like it. But the holes in crumpets allow the butter/jam/etc to melt down into the heart of the crumpet itself giving you one heck of a joyful experience. English muffins are cool too.

Paul: CRUMPET: Has holes. You can make it yourself at home and it's really fun. You can fill the holes with TOPPINGS. MUFFIN: Boring-ass bread product you put tastier things inside to hide the fact you're eating a muffin.

Hilary: Crumpets look and taste exactly like a sponge. I'm not too sure what an English muffin is, but it's probably nicer than a crumpet.

10. What’s the deal with Jaffa Cakes?

Scott Wyngarden/Flickr Creative Commons / Via Flickr: antidale

Flo: They are a biscuit-shaped cake.

Richard: You can eat 12 of them in less than a minute and not even feel guilty about it after.

Laura: The best deal you'll ever get.

11. Why is Stella considered a “low-class” beer in the U.K.?

Kevin Spencer/Flickr Creative Commons / Via Flickr: vek

Flo: Because of it's comparatively high alcohol content it earned the nickname "wife beater". And that is some bad PR.

Paul: It has... a reputation for people getting a bit punchy when drinking it. As with most stereotypes, it has a grain of truth about it.

Laura: It contains a special "fight" potion.

Richard: Um... the brutally honest answer is that it's associated with domestic abuse. Nobody's sure where this stemmed from but people think if you drink it you become violent and abusive.

Hilary: It's not, really. It's just considered a really strong beer that - if you drink it - will cause you to commit violence. But it's not a class thing. A royal could drink it and then they'd commit said violence.


12. Why isn’t there any late-night food delivery?

Ljupco / Thinkstock

Flo: We get it on our way home because we walk everywhere because our country is small.

Paul: We have a cup of tea and go to bed. What?

Laura: Because British people like to be miserable so we'd rather just scrabble around for a measly crumpet in the small hours.

Richard: There is, it's just in the form of the worst kebab you've ever had in your life.

Hilary: I ask myself this same question at 3 .a.m every single day. It's a travesty. Though you can go to a 24-hour ASDA and reheat a depressing frozen pizza if you're desperate.

Paul: We literally don't, there aren't enough houses and we're all way too near each other for comfort.

Flo: There isn't a big empty cold bit in the middle.

Laura: Huddle together, keeps us warm.

Hilary: It's like musical chairs, we all circle the country periodically and when the music stops you have to find a place to live. If you don't manage it you have to move to Ireland.


15. How does the BBC continuously churn out such quality TV?

BBC / Via

Paul: David Attenborough.

Laura: Magic.

Richard: The BBC is cool but we have to pay for it, or go to jail, so there are two sides to every coin.

Hilary: Because we give it a ton of our hard-earned cash and we go crazy angry if they don't deliver. We write letters about "wasting our license fee" to the Daily Mail and kick up SUCH A FUSS.

16. Are there really people in the U.K. who are only famous for guesting on panel shows?

Channel 4 / Via

Richard: Yes, can we send them to Canada?

Hilary: Most people on panel shows are famous for being stand-up comedians, so I'm not sure that's quite right.

Paul: It turns out, amazingly, if you're enough of a complete shit, you can get hired to be a complete shit on the TV, as a career! See also: entertainment mouthpiece, partygoer, etc.

Laura: Russell Howard would be a very hungry man if not.

17. What’s a Katie Price?

Anthony Harvey / Getty Images

Flo: Jordan. Boobs.

Laura: A British institution.

Hilary: She's a sort of mascot for the U.K. She's just there, like the ravens in the Tower of London. Legend has it that if she ever leaves either the country will come to an end or we'll all get much more work done.

Richard: Can we send her to Canada too?