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23 Hilarious Tweets For Anyone Who Is Obsessed With Butts

"I bet whoever came up with the phrase 'butt-ugly' has never even seen a butt."

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2. On medicine:

[at proctologist] ME: not to ASSume DOC: don’t M: butt I've ANALyzed this D: please stop M: and your job is a real BUMmer D: *isn't gentle*

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3. On technology:

[ca. 1440] GUTENBERG: behold—the printing press ME: can it print 'butts' G: it can print anything ME: can you print 'butts'. just to test it

4. On dating:

[first date] "So, what do you do?" "Im an accountant." [sips wine] "Yeah, I meant like, ya know, butt stuff? Do you do butt stuff?"

5. On finding love:

"You: stopped to admire how good ur butt looked in the shadow on that building." -a missed connection that has prob been a written about me

6. On potential:

Did you know humans only use like 8% of their butts?

7. On fingers:

Amber Rose: smell my finger me: ok *sniff* ew that's Kanye's butt lol Amber Rose: lol me: let me smell it again

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8. On realism:

Back to the Future 2 would have been a lot more realistic if more of the characters in 2015 took photos of their own butts.

10. On priorities:

Work hard, be kind, and great things will happen. Also, eat a little butt. Butt may be the most important, actually. Shoulda led with butt.

11. On poetry:

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways 1. dat cute butt End of list

12. On allure:

Butts are a captivating body part because they are both a sex object and also something that you poop out of: dangerous, yet seductive.

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13. On double standards:

how come my mum is a hero for showing her dragon tattoo to kids but i'm a sex criminal for showing my butt to the elderly

14. On autocorrect:

my phone autocorrected "but why" to "BUTT STUFF" while texting my boss, how's everyone else's day going

15. On beauty:

i bet whoever came up with the phrase "butt-ugly" has never even seen a butt.

17. On misunderstandings:

No, sir, I am not making eye contact, I am admiring my butt in the reflection of your sunglasses, how could you believe otherwise.

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18. On language:

Still not over the fact that the words posterity and rectify have absolutely nothing to do with butt stuff. Who invented this language?

19. On shopping:

ME: I'd like to try some butt stuff DELI EMPLOYEE: What the fuck man WIFE: Ugh. He means he wants a rump roast ME: You ruin everything honey

20. On opinions:

opinions are like butts. everyone's got one but if you're a total fuckhead people won't show you theirs unless in anger

21. On science:

kind of crazy to think every single butt on this earth is, scientifically speaking, completely perfect

23. On contentment:

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