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27 Funny Tweets To Read Instead Of Talking To Your Family On Christmas

"Does Jesus know he was born during Toyotathon?"

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1.

TREE: [sees christmas tree thru window] who dose he think he is. all dressed up. too good to be outside ANOTHER TREE: be nice, he is dying

2.

“So your new carol is just eight verses of you demanding figgy pudding with increasing hostility.” “That’s right.”… https://t.co/kLeTsp5bh8

3.

walking out of my aunt's bathroom after clogging her toilet on christmas eve

4.

Does Jesus know he was born during Toyotathon

5.

Honestly I would rather my boyfriend cheat on me than get me Pandora jewelry for Christmas

6.

Just so we’re clear, The Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.

7.

my boyfriend found a pad in my room & thought it was a present so he put it under my christmas tree

8.

Why you don’t put Christmas lights on palm trees.

9.

wow pitbull made a christmas album, here is the leaked track list

10.

The older you get the more holidays become about keeping your father off a ladder

11.

for the 7th year in a row, Rick Astley refuses to give his wife her favorite Pixar movie for Christmas

12.

"I don't want a lot for Christmas." Later... "All I want for Christmas is you." EXACTLY WHAT DOES THAT DO FOR MY SELF-CONFIDENCE, MARIAH.

13.

"Google that and prove it." - 6yr-old when I told her she's not getting a cat because Santa is allergic to them.

14.

JOSEPH AND MARY: We’ll stay in the manger, we don’t care INN MANAGER: Fine. Just don’t make a scene

15.

When I was 6 years old I got coal. When I was 7 I decided to poison my cookies to Santa. Somehow the bastard found out and killed my dad

16.

MALE REINDEER LOSE THEIR ANTLERS IN WINTER AND FEMALES DON'T THEREFORE SANTA'S SLEIGH IS ACTUALLY PULLED BY A TEAM… https://t.co/7rk0uk0s2Z

17.

Little cousin got a mermaid tail for xmas and hasn't opened anything else since 😂 u ok Hun

18.

*Flicks cigarette after a long drag* Here's the thing. If Santa knows when kids are naughty or nice then he knew Rudolph was being bullied

19.

Incredible scenes as the Xmas food delivery arrives, my mum has managed to order a single sprout.

20.

hmm y'all willin to let a fat man break into your house to drink your milk on christmas but i do it in september and i'm "a nuisance" damn

21.

My smart-aleck kids put a cactus in our fireplace & now I have to put a path of fake blood from the fireplace to the tree on Christmas Eve.

22.

WARNING TO THOSE ATTEMPTING TO KILL SANTA IN ORDER TO BECOME HIM: use your fists/a rear naked choke. if u shoot him, the GUN becomes santa

23.

you better watch out 🎅 you better watch out 🎅 you better watch out 🎅 you better watch out 🎅 you bETTER WATCH OUT 🎅… https://t.co/zqVyytjeGo

24.

apparently "may your Christmas run red with the blood of a thousand Santas" was a bad thing to say to my niece

25.

Made this so when my boss shouts at me through his office door, it's more festive.

26.

all I want for christmas is vast material wealth, overwhelming physical appeal, and the adoration of those whose work I envy. that's all

27.

So Dad tells me my birthday isn't "officially" tomorrow. Don't care. Decorations are up. Party still on.

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