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50 Tweets You're Gonna Love If You Are A Woman Or Know A Woman

"If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side."

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1.

it’s so hot 😩 i wish i could put my titties in a ponytail

2.

Women’s magazines really convinced me that “going from day to night” was going to be a big part of my adult life, but so far it has not come up.

3.

exec: So what do we think women want in fashion? women: Pocke-- exec: Cold shoulder tops in pastels. Got it. women: Pock-- exec: Clothes with pre-made holes in delicate fabrics. women: Po-- exec: Cut-outs in flabby areas. Good. women: POCKET-- exec: Shapes that require new bras!

4.

Dudes make fun of girls for duck face yet all their selfies look like the last known footage of them

5.

MEN: we're gonna stop flirting at work and giving unasked-for hugs WOMEN: great MEN: wait, no, you don't understand, those were threats

6.

If you think “girls never go for nice guys,” consider the possibility that a.) they do, and b.) you’re not one.

7.

a swedish guy in my japanese school: you know, sex is like pizza; even when it's bad, it's good girls in my class (me included): *awkward silence* an italian girl: you know, i don't even agree about the pizza part

8.

if you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side

9.

Twitter gets a bad rap but let me just say that 20 years ago women did not talk about the shared truth of underboob sweat, we internalized it as our own secret shame when we could have been weaponizing it against our enemies, long live Boob Sweat Twitter

10.

drunk girls at bars: ok, listen britney, it is britney right? ok listen britney. you. are a GODDESS. you're too good for any man. I love you and your cute top drunk guys at bars: did you just fuckin breathe on me? fuckin breathe on me again bro gimme a reason to knock you out

11.

I dated a girl in college whose mom tried to talk her out of being gay by telling her she'd have to go through life w/out someone to open jars for her. At the time it was upsetting but in hindsight I kind of love that jar opening was the only use for men she could think of.

12.

ALL MY NON-BRA-WEARING FRIENDS LOOK AWAY (whispers) ok whoever's left, is there a technical term for when you have a Bra Incident and you end up with either smashboob or fourboob and you can't fix it right away is the word i'm looking for calamatitty

13.

My daughter started crying at the dentist office bc the dentist “is a boy” and the dentist said “sorry, there are no girl dentists at this office” & my daughter looked at me & said “why did we come here.”

14.

girls clothing in school is more regulated than guns in America

15.

my bf asked why International Women’s Day is on 3/8 so I said it’s cuz it looks like the top and front view of boobs and he 100% believed me https://t.co/Vkg1RBu4y7

16.

dudes who are saying “it’s scary to hook up with women now, it’s like I don’t know what’s ok and what isn’t” uhh.. why don’t you ask her? She’s literally right there

17.

MALE REINDEER LOSE THEIR ANTLERS IN WINTER AND FEMALES DON'T THEREFORE SANTA'S SLEIGH IS ACTUALLY PULLED BY A TEAM OF STRONG, POWERFUL, UNDERRATED WOMEN!!!!! YOU GO, GIRLS!! I SEE YOU!!!

18.

i wish girls who want boob jobs and girls who want boob reductions could just like. venmo each other some tity.

19.

places where it's scary to be a woman: outside, inside, on the internet, in real life, driving, walking, on the bus, at work, at school, at

20.

I’m walking down the street and this dude behind me shouted “Hey girl!” I turned around and he was like, “Oh my gosh I am not cat calling you! I am literally cat calling my cat!” And then his cat came running up to him from his front porch!

21.

Professor asked what “ghosted” meant and this girl said “what Brian over there did to me 3 weeks ago” it’s time for me to head on home

22.

IF U BUMP INTO UR EX WITH HIS NEW GIRL ACT FAKE EXCITED TO MEET HER AND SINCERELY SAY "OMG I RLY LIKE UR PAJAMAS" NO MATTER WHAT SHE WEARING

23.

[Boiling in a pot] Boy lobster: AAAAGGGGHHH!! Girl lobster: I'm cold

24.

Overheard in Target candy section: *little girl picking out a candy* Mom: no, not those Girl: it’s my body, I can do what I want with it Mom: no, you’re using my parenting skills the wrong way

25.

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here's my impression of a movie about a girl w/ bangs: a nice boy flips thru a notebook he found:"you know, these drawings are really good"

28.

dudes make fun of girls for liking pumpkin spice, uggs and the kardashians as if craft beer, cargo shorts and fantasy football are real cool

29.

I don't use social media or apps to date because I'm in my 30s and I prefer meeting men the old fashioned way: never.

30.

when ur having period cramps but u gotta play it cool

31.

i am: ⚪️ straight ⚪️ gay ⚪️ bi 🔘 pregant? 🔘 pragnent? 🔘 pargant? 🔘 gregnant? 🔘 pegnate?? Help!? 🔘 pegrent? 🔘 pregegnant? 🔘 pregonate? 🔘 prengan? 🔘 prregnant???? 🔘 can u get pregante...? 🔘 pergert? 🔘 will my get pragnan? 🔘 if a women has starch masks

32.

Help guys I accidentally ate Doritos for Men and now I've made a reddit account and I'm telling random women in the street to smile.

33.

There is a group of women getting on my flight and one has a shirt that says “just divorced” and the others have shirts that say “divorce support group” and they are all plastered. Those are the type of friends everyone needs in their life lmao

34.

35.

First ghostbusters, then Wonder Woman, then a girl alien? Whats next, female balloons? Woman sand? A girl alphabet? Women can't be balloons

36.

How to approach women who wear headphones: 1) Get in the bin 2) Set the bin on fire 3) Roll the bin away from the woman 4) Towards the sea

37.

GOD: Let there be women WOMEN: Cool GOD: But no pockets WOMEN: What? GOD: Put your stuff in a bag lol MEN: lol GOD: lol

38.

39.

"I actually prefer a woman with a little meat on her bones," he says. A podium is quickly constructed. The mayor is summoned. In the distance, a marching band practices. The award ceremony will commence soon.

40.

we watched silence of the lambs last night and more than anything that film is really about how hard it is for a woman to find a good mentor

41.

today i saw a beautiful woman and said "wow... shes so pretty" and my coworker immediately was like, "dont feel like that natalie. you're pretty too" and i stared at him and said "im not jealous, flavio. im gay"

42.

The book I’m reading just asked “why is the story of the boy who cried wolf told over and over in our society, and not the story of Cassandra, the woman who told the truth but was never believed?” https://t.co/wGQS3YyVQI

43.

a woman had me double bag her tampons because the bag was see thru and her husband would be embarrassed..sweetie throw the whole husband out

44.

45.

the three stages of a woman's life: - the chosen one - the mother - solving crimes in the village

46.

I wear short skirts to attract male attention but also to give my turds easy and direct access to the ground

47.

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, b/c I didn't immediately get out of his way as he was walking towards me & now he's perplexed.

48.

attention men: pls stop telling us you want to go down on us for "hours". thats way too long. we have stuff to do. i've got a lasagne cookin

49.

Every woman I know has been storing anger for years in her body and it’s starting to feel like bees are going to pour out of all of our mouths at the same time.

50.

ITEMS EVERY WOMAN SHOULD OWN: -Little Black Dress -Cute flats -Strappy s- ok now that the men have stopped reading, we revolt at dawn.

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