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    21 Tweets That Are Both Funny And Sad

    Ha ha... oh no.


    My annoying little cousin is bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed. Whatever, you little idiot.. I sleep in a real car.


    A haunted house but instead of scary monsters its 15 ppl asking u what u are doing with ur life & who u r marrying oh wait thats tnksgiving


    Me: *slapping my older brother in the face with his own hand* haha stop hitting yourself, why are you hitting yourself Sister-in-law: *crying* is this why you wanted an open casket


    [buying a dog] hi yes i want to be absolutely devastated in like 11 years or so


    I finally got my average resting heart rate down to 65 beats per minute. Only 65 more to go.


    Nobody talks about Jesus' miracle of having 12 close friends in his 30s


    I graduated from law school 6 years ago with $250,000 of student loan debt. But after years of hard work and tens of thousands of dollars of payments, I can officially say that I now owe $315,000. Hooray!


    the next call of duty should be a realistic RPG that starts with you working at little ceasars and an army recruiter lies to you at the mall


    I am so Humble ❤ im not bragging but i just wanna thank god i went from living paycheck to paycheck to saving up enough money to purchase a data plan that allowed me to download this picture 🙌🙌


    Me: please grab some updog on the way home ExWife: for the last time the kids and I are never coming back Me: not much what's up with you?


    Tired of being single? Just lower your standards a bit. My new girlfriend is a coconut taped to a mop.


    me to my anxiety: people are focused on themselves. they're not thinking about you depression: ever me: that's not what i meant


    God: then you become a butterfly Caterpillar: wow. the rest of my life as a butterfly God: yeah lol the "rest" Caterpillar: how long God: Caterpillar: how long God


    Kids, stay in school and get a good degree so you can spend 40% of your life on conference calls


    You’ll grow up not every really knowing if you deserve love, but one day you’ll meet someone who loves you, and you’ll be able to accept yourself. Then, once they really get to know you, they’ll find you unbearable and leave, but the important thing is to stay hydrated.


    Let’s play a game of MILLENNIAL MONOPOLY. The rules are simple, you start with no money, you can’t afford anything, the board is on fire for some reason and everything is your fault.


    me at 14: can’t wait to travel the whole world once i’m earning my own money me now: mustn’t forget that tupperware at work, it’s my only one


    doctor: [handing me my new born baby] I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it me: [handing baby back to him] bring me the one my wife made


    A job is more than a paycheck. It's also a place where you cry in the bathroom


    me at 6 y/o: bilingual, genius iq, mentally healthy, able to do math me at 18 y/o: illiterate, health is nonexistent, and needs a calculator to solve 6+8


    [concert] SINGER: hows everyone doin tonight CROWD: woo ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): it's actually been a tough few months