The Millennial's Guide To Spending Literally No Money

Use these handy tips to save up for the things you really want!

Hey Millennials! We heard all about your horrible financial habits—how you refuse to spend a little cash on something practical, like a house, and blow all your money on silly things like student loans. Woof, you guys are a mess! Lucky for you, we’ve put together some handy money-saving tips, so you can finally get your shit together:

Cancel your Netflix account.

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Entertainment is a nonessential. Get the same effect for way less by acting out your favorite shows in front of the mirror at home!

Stop buying coffee.

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Those $4 lattes really add up, so rather than splurging every morning, try stealing every morning instead. The bonus adrenaline on top of the caffeine will get you way more bang for way less buck!

Stop traveling so much.

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Airfare isn’t cheap. Save some dough by literally just staying exactly where you’re sitting for the rest of your life.

Don’t buy so many clothes.

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Do you really need that cute top you saw online? Do you really need any clothes at all? Before you click “buy,” ask yourself this: If I’m going to sit in this spot for the rest of my life, does it even matter what I'm wearing?

Stop going to the salon.

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Just keep growing your hair out and eventually you can use it as a substitute for clothes. Cha ching!

Cancel your mobile plan.

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Swap out your phone for a carrier pigeon. It’s super cheap and could be recycled as food when you’re done! #mealprep

Cut down on drinking.

Via postgradproblems.com

Get drunk for less by just hanging upside down for a long time!

Stop eating out.

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Skip the avo toast and bottomless mimosas and try hunting and gathering. We hear it’s healthy and free!

Stop paying city rent prices.

Via housebeautiful.com

Save some money each month by moving out to the suburbs, and then out to the country, and then out to the wilderness, and then into a cave, and then into a hole, and then deep underground until you’re shrouded in darkness with no sense of time, no concept of worldly possessions and no memory of the person you once were!

See? It’s not so hard, right? By cutting out just a few small things like lattes, clothes, civilization and your sense of self, you can save up for something way more practical, like a house!