10 Tips From Bollywood That Will Vastly Improve Your Sex Life
Warning: Totally Safe For Work.
India has always been a pioneer when it comes to sex. The Kama Sutra and our ancient temple carvings are evidence to our longstanding belief in taking risks when it comes to doin' the dirty.
Today, that role has been taken on by Bollywood, an industry that has risen gloriously to the challenge of keeping us all satisfied. Here are the greatest sex lessons we can learn from Bollywood:
Tip 1: Make lusty sustained eye contact to establish the sexually telepathic connection.
Make sure to do lots of that. Enough is not enough.
Tip 2: Embrace the great outdoors. Nothing's more sensual than dancing around trees, everyone knows that.
Forests, beaches, all manner of wilderness – these marvels of nature were created in order for us to do erotic dance moves in.
Bollywood's subliminal message is to love the environment. So do it all outdoor even if PDA is a punishable offence here.
Oysters? Wine? Nah. The greatest aphrodisiac is an outdoor disco-sesh.
Tip 3: Make your intentions known by violently shaking a flower. If your partner does the same, IT'S ON.
Tip 4: Rain has been embraced by Bollywood as a symbol of wetness, and for good reason. Enjoy the monsoon – the easiest way to come again another day.
Use months June to September to full advantage.
And, a gentle reminder: don't forget to include erotic dancing.
Tip 5: Run towards your lover, get that heart rate going.
Running is the most effective foreplay, as demonstrated by hundreds of Bollywood movies.
Tip 6: If the running gets tiring, try rolling. Roll sensually into their arms.
Here Bollywood teaches us to combine sexual moves: Simultaneously roll, AND embrace the outdoors. Wow.
Tip 7: Learn how to play the piano. The keys are the ultimate key to pant zip.
Score in bed by mastering music scores. #Boom #ThatsRight
Tip 8: Involve milk because nothing suggests "I wanna do the deed" more than a warm glass of white fluid.
Tip 9: Take items of jewelry off, slowly and one-by-one. Savour this painstaking process that will probably take all night.
Tip 10: The most important of all is to do it on white sheets or else you'll have bad luck for 7 years.
And again: Don't leave erotic dance moves off the menu. Ever.
The more the better, tbh.
There ya go. You're officially ready for some major Bang Bang.
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