I've Got That Sinking Feeling

All dogs might go to Heaven, but fairies? Not so much. Fairies are spiteful little things, often mistaken for spreading joy, they actually carry West Nile and infest people. And so all fairies get thrown in quicksand, are then glazed in blue and sold on Etsy for us to hang our jewelry on. Obviously. It’s not the most pleasant explanation, but it’s the truth. See also: There is no Santa Claus, Part One, Part Two and Part Three.