Have a mild head coldAre developing a migraineHaven't had enough water todayDon't even know that you are inches from death -- yes, it is this, this slight, mildly annoying headache, that spells your approaching doom! You fool! You sweet, beautiful fool!
DEATH COMES FOR YOU
The aftermath of a clumsy momentA small reminder of a night of passionWhat you get for trying to get dressed in the darkLeukemia! Hemophilia! That disease the monkey gave everyone in Outbreak! Say goodbye to your loved ones! Get your affairs in order! Death is on the horizon!
YOU CANNOT ESCAPE DEATH
Muscle strainCarpal tunnel syndromeYour brain having reached that place where everything feels a little odd due to exhaustionHOW ARE YOU EVEN MANAGING TO NAVIGATE THE HELPFUL PAGES OF WEBMD WHEN DEATH SEEPS FROM YOUR EVERY PORE -- MY GOD, YOU ARE FULL TO THE BRIM WITH DEATH
SHUFFLE OFF THIS MORTAL COIL
You didn't get enough sleep last nightA muscle below your eye is in spasm due to stress or irritationYou are reading a Buzzfeed quiz that insists your doom is fast approaching-- WAIT. Are you also sometimes tired? Occasionally thirsty? Do you eat food? Because these symptoms combined spell death for sure.
Death has made you a lovely breakfast buffet! The main course is YOUR MORTALITY
That burrito you ate for lunchA mild stomach bugA really horrific pick-up lineFOR GOD'S SAKE, QUARANTINE YOURSELF!! YOU WILL GIVE US ALL THE BLACK PLAGUE!! LOCK YOUR DOORS AND BURN DOWN YOUR HOME!! HUMANITY IS AT STAKE!!
DEATH WILL NOT BE SWAYED