It could happen! A chimp could escape from your local zoo, break into your home, and murder you. A stray meteor could blast through the atmosphere, your roof, your ceiling then you. Or, more realistically, you could just crash your car. Assuming one of your final acts was to tweet “Driving tweeting sipping the cup fuck yolo I’m turning it up,” this could make you famous in the most tragic of ways.
Ok, so, this is a little morbid, but bear with me: A lot of people get their fifteen minutes of fame after they die, or after something exceptionally strange happens to them. And, as depressing as it might be, it’s at least interesting to consider what your own instant, internet-scraped obituary might look like. What they’d put on TV, basically.
So, let’s make Instabituaries! Here’s how to do it:
2. Take your last three tweets:
Or, if they’re boring, your last three interesting ones — tweets that might cause a local news reporter to suggest that “there were warning signs” or to use the phrase “in an ironic twist.”
7. Then check your last blog post:
11. And don’t forget other places where you might have used the same username:
13. Now put it all together:
Mine is pretty boring, and mostly just doesn’t make sense. Could be worse! How did yours turn out? Post your instabituaries in the comments.
- A second wave of bomb threats sent to Jewish community centers in the evening brought the number of locations threatened on Monday to 29.
- Accounting firm PricewaterhouseCoopers fessed up to the massive Oscars oops that caused "La La Land" to be named best picture instead of "Moonlight" 🙊
- President Trump accused Barack Obama of organizing recent protests against him and leaking information from the White House to the press.
- Elon Musk announced that his SpaceX company will send two tourists around the moon by 2018 🚀🌝