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How To Do Anything, According To eHow

Just follow these simple steps. The world's greatest website, ladies and gentlemen.

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4.

Via ehow.com

"A gangster does not try to imitate others. She looks at herself for who she is and accepts herself. So, above all else, if you want to be gangster, you must train yourself to love who you are and be your own unique self without striving for some stale imitation of what you think it is to be gangster."

8.

Via ehow.com

"Try keeping your rough language under your breath. Although this can be hard for some loud talkers, the mumbled swear is less offensive to people around you, whether they're right next to you or at the next table. The louder you swear, the more of a mess you might get into."

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10. How to kiss

Via instructables.com

"If you've assessed the situation, and it seems probable that a kiss is imminent, the next things to think about are timing and approach. The key to nailing the pre kiss is matching your partner's speed and intensity. The kiss is the first opportunity to physically connect with your partner, and so you want to meet him or her halfway."

12.

Via ehow.com

"Remember not to let pressure to lose your virginity force you into being sexually active--the risks aren't worth it. Nothing will cramp your style more than changing diapers and a screaming baby to take care of. Not to mention, the guy will probably leave you once you get pregnant."

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15.

Via ehow.com

"Gay model can have many connotations, so it is important to decide ahead of time if you are willing to pose naked or in sexual acts. You can also model for things such as print campaigns and clothing."

18.

Via ehow.com

"Use a small GPS device for a young child. This could be in the form of a watch or perhaps a unit that is kept in a backpack. Typically a small GPS unit is powered by batteries and needs to be recharged every 24 hours."

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19.

Via ehow.com

"Walk with your dominant leg straight and stiff. Lift your hip slightly as you walk, as if you are trying to keep you baggy pants from sliding down your thighs. When you take a step with your opposite leg, lunge slightly into a limp. To accentuate the authenticity of your gangsta limp, you may consider placing your hand on or over your groin as you limp."

20.

Via ehow.com

"Each time your teen shows disrespect in any way, first remind yourself to not take it personally. End teen disrespect by saying, "I do not tolerate being spoken to in that manner," and do not respond to her until she begins behaving appropriately."

21.

Via ehow.com

"Act like a teenager yourself. Teens get really embarrassed when their parents don't act their age. Put on a pair of rollerblades and show up at the park when your daughter is skating with her friends, or dance around the house and sing into a hair brush when she has her friends over."

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25.

Via ehow.com

"Commit to a life of individual responsibility realizing that existence proceeds essence and faith is available as a personal choice, but that commitment to whatever personal choice you make is your greatest weapon against fear, dread and anxiety."

26.

Via ehow.com

"For example, tell your kids you want to pretend like you are on a farm and get down on your hands and knees on the floor. Tell them you are all pretending to be farm animals and join them in mooing, oinking and cockadoodle-doing."

30.

Via ehow.com

"In its first step, Epicurus states, "Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent." This is a fairly easy one: God is either able to prevent evil, or not."

32.

Via ehow.com

"Realize the lack of supernatural power of the Harry Potter series. Look for instances in the book where the mechanical spells do not lead to contact with the supernatural world."

33.

Via ehow.com

"Work with your lawyer to identify a defense strategy that you'll use to try to create reasonable doubt in the minds of the jury members... Call the character of prosecution witnesses into question as much as you possibly can."

41.

Via ehow.com

"Look at the water. If large bubbles are rising from the bottom of the pot to the surface, the water is boiling."

44.

Via ehow.com

"You can win a stare-down with a cat. Even an adult cat. Even an adult cat who's used to winning stare-downs with humans. The result of winning a stare-down with a cat is usually that the cat will stalk away."

47.

Via ehow.com

"Start at the beginning, unfolding only necessary information in logical fashion. Write in active voice, not passive. Keep your copy lean, eliminating extraneous words. Keep it simple and methodical."

57.

Via ehow.com

"Fill in the grave. If you're burying your dog at a pet cemetery that fills the grave in for you, toss a handful of earth into the grave to help symbolize the closure of your relationship with him."

63.

Via ehow.com

"Bat house size and location are very important. Make sure your bat house is at least two feet deep and 14 inches wide. It must also have a 6-8 inch extension on the bottom. Why? Landing platform."

64.

Via ehow.com

"1) Hide your double chin by resting your chin on your hands, arms or shoulders. 2) Stretch your chin area by turning away from the main light. 3) Extend your chin and lower your entire face."

70.

Via ehow.com

"Tell a higher-up at the office. It can be a good idea either to speak to your company's human resources (HR) department or directly to the offending person's supervisor or boss."

74.

Via ehow.com

"If you have a gluten allergy, do not wear or attempt to make a papier-mache mask. Instead, iron fusible interfacing to the underside of your faux fur and mold the mask from that."

75.

Via ehow.com

"Draw two circles above the snout, one on each side of the snout. These are the eyes of your dog. Draw a pair of sunglasses on the dog to make it really cool."

I decided to try this one. Iollowed the instructions exactly:

76.

Via ehow.com

"Use a sound that rises in pitch to lead into the bass drop. A rising sound indicates to the listener that a new section of the track is beginning, and builds anticipation for the bass drop."

83.

Via ehow.com

"Click on the drop-down menu three boxes to the right of the "Date of Birth" in order to change the year to whichever year that you would like MySpace to display as the year in which you were born."

That's it! Go forth into the world. You're ready for anything.

Thanks to Katie Notopoulos and Brian Feldman for the many, many suggestions.

Contact John Herrman at john.herrman@buzzfeed.com.

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