back to top

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You

Mo Lattes Mo Problems.

Posted on

1. If you want your name spelled correctly, just tell us. We won't be offended.

That way you aren't mad when I yell out, "Snarf, your latte is ready!"


3. There is never really 2% milk.

Fox / Via

You mean I have to get the non-fat out the fridge, then get the whole, mix them together, measure them out equally... nah, you can have what's in the pitcher.

6. As much as we love your patronage, this is not your office.

I know your screenplay is important and all, but I really need to clean your table now, so...

7. It's not that we can't break that $20, we just don't want to open the drawer, and we're not a bank.


Also, the fact that you're not buying anything doesn't make me want to do you any favors.


8. The blender is the bane of our existence, especially when we're busy.


Not only do I have to stop what I'm doing to make your dumb frozen whatever, but I also have to clean it after. So, thanks for that.

11. Extra hot drinks actually ruin the milk.

What are you even tasting? Sulfur?


13. The holidays mean holiday drinks, which means horrible concoctions we are forced to make.

Oh, and there's nothing wrong about asking for a pumpkin spice latte in June, just don't be surprised when I tell you that we haven't had that on the menu since February.

17. We're not all accomplished latte artists.

Thanks for the expectations, Pinterest!


19. We couldn't care less if you don't like the music that is playing.


Because, A) we are forced to play it by management, or B) we chose it because we want to listen to it. Point being, either way it's not getting changed.

22. Regulars who never tip will be served as slow as possible.

It's awesome that you think we're pals, but I'd trade our friendship in for a few bucks every now and then.


27. You realize that I'd get fired if I told you that I don't like the food here, right?

ABC Family

Do you really think I just tried the quiche at 5:30 a.m. while I was setting up the store?

30. We dread the site of seeing interns/assistants/gophers walking through the door.

Oh, you need to pay for these all on different transactions AND you need a carrier? #FML

Every. Tasty. Video. EVER. The new Tasty app is here!