35 Thoughts Everyone Has When They Get A Flat Tire

Don’t tread on me.

1. Another lovely day in my automobile!

2. La di da, oh what a gorgeous – KAPLOW!

3. Holy shit! Did I just run over a land mine?

4. :: pulls over as the car ka-thunks :: It must just be my shocks. Or the road. Totally won’t be a flat tire, I bet.

5. :: gets out and looks at a flat as fuck tire :: Juuuuust great.

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6. OK, I’ll just change it myself.

7. How hard can that be, right?

8. I mean, those NASCAR crews do it in like two seconds.

9. :: opens trunk and gets out spare :: It’s so small. Why is it so small? That can’t be safe.

10. :: gets out jack :: This looks troublesome.

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11. I should probably just call AAA.

12. Crap. I don’t have AAA.

13. Who do I know has AAA?

14. Screw it. This is something I need to do on my own.

15. :: grabs tire iron :: BRING IT ON, TIRE!

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16. Wait, which way do I turn the lug nuts?

17. LOL “nuts.”

18. Crap. This is not budging.

19. Maybe I should call my dad.

20. Nah. The last thing I need right now is to hear, “See! You should have watched closer when I did it!”

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21. Let me try one more time… Nope.

22. Maybe a good Samaritan will stop and help me?

23. But what if they actually turn out to be an axe murderer who wants my skin for lampshades?

24. Why didn’t I check my tire pressure before leaving?

25. Wait, do people do that? Never mind. This is pointless.

26. I’m throwing in the towel.

27. :: searches for “tire place” on Google Maps :: Well, there’s one a few blocks from here. Maybe I can make it there.

28. :: puts everything back and gets in car :: Please make it there.

29. :: ka-thunks all the way to the tire place at a snail’s pace :: Made it!

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30. What a relief! I’m glad a professional is handling this.

31. Hope they have the tire in stock.

32. Hope they can get it done quickly.

33. :: gets quote :: $200?!?!?! FOR ONE TIRE? DOES THAT COME WITH SEX?

34. Is it too late to move to a place with good public transportation?

35. :: hands over credit card :: Sorry, dad. I should’ve watched closer. As always, you were right.

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