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    Posted on Oct 2, 2013

    A Boy's First Middle School Dance: Expectation Vs. Reality

    "Don't act awkward, don't act awkward, don't act awkward..."

    Expectation: You will ask someone to be your date

    It looks so easy on TV. But then again, so does NASCAR racing.

    Reality: This happens

    On second thought, flying solo is cool, too. Han Solo, that is.

    Expectation: Picking out the perfect outfit

    "Yeah, I'm pretty much killin' it."

    Reality: You didn't get the memo

    "I thought this was a costume dance? WHEN DID THEY CHANGE IT?"

    Expectation: Walk in looking cool

    Fog machine? Check.

    Reality: You look like this


    Expectation: Everyone will love your new cologne

    Just remember, a little goes a long way.

    Reality: You use half the bottle

    Expectation: Your parents are chaperoning the dance, but they'll leave you alone

    This is your night, not theirs.

    Reality: They drive you crazy

    If they snap one more picture or tell you to "go talk to that girl" one more time...

    Expectation: You will mingle and not be awkward

    "Act like a normal human being? I'm a human being so that should be a cinch!"

    Reality: Oh boy

    Expectation: Not being intimidated by the fact that most of the girls are taller than you

    They had a growth spurt before you, so what?

    Reality: Whoa

    Seriously, why are they so tall?

    Expectation: You will not get a boner

    You got your boners under control, son.

    Reality: You get an "A" for effort

    Don't worry, we all know how hard you tried.

    Expectation: People noticing your awesome mustache

    You've been cultivating that thing for awhile now.

    Reality: What mustache?

    Expectation: You will show off your sweet moves

    Reality: You end up like this

    Why didn't your friends stop you? Wait, why are your friends laughing?

    Expectation: You will ask another live human being to dance and it will be magical

    What can go wrong? It's just dancing, right?

    Reality: Uh...

    Come on. Leave some space for Jesus.

    That's more like it.

    Expectation: You'll kiss your crush and it will go totally wrong

    This is the point of no return. Good luck.

    Reality: It's magical

    And awkward.

    And, hey...

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