A Boy’s First Middle School Dance: Expectation Vs. Reality

“Don’t act awkward, don’t act awkward, don’t act awkward…”

1. Expectation: You will ask someone to be your date

It looks so easy on TV. But then again, so does NASCAR racing.

2. Reality: This happens

On second thought, flying solo is cool, too. Han Solo, that is.

3. Expectation: Picking out the perfect outfit

“Yeah, I’m pretty much killin’ it.”

4. Reality: You didn’t get the memo

“I thought this was a costume dance? WHEN DID THEY CHANGE IT?”

5. Expectation: Walk in looking cool

Fog machine? Check.

6. Reality: You look like this


7. Expectation: Everyone will love your new cologne

Just remember, a little goes a long way.

8. Reality: You use half the bottle

9. Expectation: Your parents are chaperoning the dance, but they’ll leave you alone

This is your night, not theirs.

10. Reality: They drive you crazy

If they snap one more picture or tell you to “go talk to that girl” one more time…

11. Expectation: You will mingle and not be awkward

“Act like a normal human being? I’m a human being so that should be a cinch!”

13. Expectation: Not being intimidated by the fact that most of the girls are taller than you

They had a growth spurt before you, so what?

14. Reality: Whoa

Seriously, why are they so tall?

15. Expectation: You will not get a boner

You got your boners under control, son.

16. Reality: You get an “A” for effort

Don’t worry, we all know how hard you tried.

17. Expectation: People noticing your awesome mustache

You’ve been cultivating that thing for awhile now.

18. Reality: What mustache?

19. Expectation: You will show off your sweet moves

20. Reality: You end up like this

Why didn’t your friends stop you? Wait, why are your friends laughing?

21. Expectation: You will ask another live human being to dance and it will be magical

What can go wrong? It’s just dancing, right?

22. Reality: Uh…

Come on. Leave some space for Jesus.

That’s more like it.

24. Expectation: You’ll kiss your crush and it will go totally wrong

This is the point of no return. Good luck.

25. Reality: It’s magical

And awkward.

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