1. Ah, finally a quiet night to watch something from my Netflix queue.
2. Let me just pull up what I have saved and…
3. Wow. I have a lot of stuff on here.
4. When did I add Cheers?
5. And when did I watch four episodes of it?
6. I should probably use this time to watch a classic.
7. Chinatown? Eh, don’t know if I want start that right now.
8. Das Boot? Nah, don’t really feel like reading subtitles.
9. I know! A documentary.
10. A documentary on child trafficking? No thanks.
11. How about one where they uncover a grisly murder?
12. Why is every documentary I’ve added so morbid?
13. Maybe I should just add something new.
14. Let’s see what’s in New Releases.
15. Wait, what’s the difference between New Releases and Recently Added?
16. I’m thinking too hard about this.
17. I’ll check New Releases, just to be safe, though.
18. How have I seen every new release already? There has to be something I haven’t seen.
19. Apparently not.
20. I haven’t seen Blackfish yet.
21. But do I really want to see killer whales being tortured at SeaWorld? No.
22. I’ll just check out some other categories.
23. Why do I now have a Steamy Romances category?
24. Oh, yeah. Forgot I watched Cruel Intentions drunk the other night.
25. Maybe I’m going at this all wrong.
26. I should just check out the genres I’m interested in.
27. A comedy sounds good.
28. How are there so many comedies on here and none of them look funny?
29. I guess I could watch Say Anything for the umpteenth time.
30. But I want to watch something new!
31. ::: screams into pillow :::
32. Fuck it, I’ll just watch Top Gun.
33. ::: searches Top Gun :::
34. What the…? It was just here not that long ago?
35. WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY TOP GUN?
36. No I don’t want to “explore titles related to Top Gun.” I want Top Gun.
37. And what’s up with just having sequels and not the original, Netflix?
38. I’m thinking of The Blue Lagoon fiasco, of course.
39. OK, if a movie isn’t going to happen then a new TV show it is.
40. Let’s see… Breaking Bad?
41. Seen it.
42. House of Cards?
43. Binged it.
45. Watched it. Twice.
46. Oh! Is True Detective on here?
49. Why can’t Netflix and HBO just be friends?!
50. Fine, back to my queue.
51. I should finish watching The Road, but I know that’s only going to devastate me.
52. I could jump back into where I left off with The West Wing.
53. Or The Following.
54. Or Luther.
55. Why is it so hard to find something I want to watch?
56. Why isn’t the perfect option not just showing up like I want it to?
57. How come whatever I want to watch is never on here?!
58. ALL I WANTED WAS TO WATCH ME SOME NETFLIX.
59. Wait, what’s burning?
60. Shit, forgot about that DiGiorno in the oven.
61. ::: takes burnt pizza out of oven :::
62. Screw it. I’ll just see what’s on TV instead.
63. ::: sadly takes bite of charred pizza :::
64. ::: proceeds to eat the whole thing :::
65. Actually, let me just check Netflix one more time.
- A federal judge in Hawaii has blocked President Trump from enforcing his new travel and refugee bans indefinitely.
- North Carolina lawmakers say they have reached an agreement to repeal the controversial bathroom law HB2.
- People in northwest and southwest Cameroon have had no access to the internet for 74 days— at all.
- The first official trailer for the latest adaptation of Stephen King's iconic novel "It" has dropped, and it's the creepiest thing you'll see all year.