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Uh, Spiders Could Eat All Of Us In A Year, Just In Case You Were Wondering

Itsy-bitsy spider, GTFO.

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It turns out some scientists — as depicted by this stock photo "mad scientist" — figured out that spiders kill and eat between "400 and 800 tons of prey every year."

Bluberries / Getty Images

That's a lot of prey! In fact, scientists Martin Nyffeler and Klaus Birkhofer found that spiders eat as much or more meat than humans.

But hey, let's put this spider feeding frenzy in more disturbing terms. Humans, a Washington Post article noted, make up around 350 million tons of biomass. Which means that spiders could eat ALL OF THE HUMANS and still be super hungry.

Laflor / Getty Images

Here's a stock model expressing existential dread about her dead corpse being eaten by a bunch of dang spiders.

AND HERE IS A RAVENOUS SPIDER LOOKING AT YOU GUYS LIKE A GODDAMN MIDNIGHT SNACK.

Elthar2007 / Getty Images

OK, OK, you'd have to be dead. Like they couldn't eat you alive. But still.

How serious is the spider threat? Jury's still out. There's a Change.org petition directed at Sen. Al Franken asking that he "Give Spiders All The Help They Need To Eat Every Human On Earth Within One Year."

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