1.
I wish strangers didn't automatically know I have genitals.
2.
Somewhere, deep within her shadowy lair, Tiffany allows herself a rare wry smile and then returns her full attention to the chessboard.
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I'm just a guy, sitting on a stump, looking for dirt on Hillary Clinton
5.
Please join my professional network on LinkedIn
6.
The tenth Fast and Furious movie should be called Fast 10: Your Seatbelts
7.
i forever carry the burden of surviving the harsh, cruel years when wearing a one-piece was absolutely unheard of and completely forbidden
8.
my favorite #GameOfThrones subplot is the makeup team gradually giving up on trying to pretend Peter Dinklage is bl… https://t.co/59EjZoLrxY
9.
why did this picture of icelandic ponies just tell me that i don't know i'm beautiful and that's what makes me beau… https://t.co/zRyuWyDkXt
10.
When I see "I just want 50 dogs and to go on random adventures" shit I get stressed, where r u leaving these hypothetical dogs when u go???
11.
someone: hey can i vent to u abt something? me, crying and in the middle of a severe midnight breakdown: yes of course what's up?
12.
You, ignorant: Stupid libtard Me, wise and serene: Actually, I think you mean lefttard
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The gender-inclusive plural of son or daughter is "children," and the gender-inclusive plural of niece or nephew should be "nildren".
16.
Beyoncé had twins and her body still perfect meanwhile my stomach looks like brains.
17.
Wanna feel old?? Trump is gonna take away your health care and then you're gonna die