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Please Help Me Answer This Very Important Snake Question

Legs get to it.

Posted on

Hi, my name is Julie and I don't like snakes. After careful consideration, one of my main problems with snakes is that they are long and slithery and they don't have legs. This just seems WRONG.

Reptiles4all / Getty Images

I know, the "no legs" thing seems to work for them. But from a marketing and branding stance, it's making them very, very unlikeable.

I do not like that this MF-er can just wriggle away at any damn time. Where your legs at.
Niklas Halle'n / AFP / Getty Images

I do not like that this MF-er can just wriggle away at any damn time. Where your legs at.

Also, having no legs means things like THIS can happen:

Facebook: ashley.glawe

Yeah, that woman has a ball python stuck in her fucking earlobe.

And don't even get me started on Australia's long history of snake fuckery.

I would prefer to NEVER wake up to a corn flakes box of snake, thankyouverymuch.
imgur.com

I would prefer to NEVER wake up to a corn flakes box of snake, thankyouverymuch.

So! Given that their lack of legs is probably, certainly, contributing to their poor reception, I've resolved to explore a snake-with-legs world. But what woulllld that look like?

To help me deal with my fear, I've put cute hats on these snakes.
Getty Images

To help me deal with my fear, I've put cute hats on these snakes.

Like, IF snakes had legs, would they have four legs, strategically placed at either ends of their bodies?

Though, the obvious issue with this is that their snake bellies would sag in the middle.
Getty Images

Though, the obvious issue with this is that their snake bellies would sag in the middle.

Or would they have four legs at the front of their bodies with a long tail trailing behind?

Getty Images

OOOOOOOORRRRR would these snake-a-roonies have a multitude of legs along the entirety of their bodies, kind of like a centipede or something?

This is PERSONALLY my least favorite option, though it would be kind of cool if there were shoes, or even tap shoes, for them.
Getty Images

This is PERSONALLY my least favorite option, though it would be kind of cool if there were shoes, or even tap shoes, for them.

So, what do you think? Help answer this Very Important Theoretical Question.

Getty Images
  1. If snakes had legs, what kind of legs would they have?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Four legs in two pairs equally distributed across the body.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Four legs at the front of the body with a long tail trailing behind.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    A bunch of legs across the entire body, centipede-style.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    I have another important theory I'll share with you in the comments.
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If snakes had legs, what kind of legs would they have?
  1.  
    vote votes
    Four legs in two pairs equally distributed across the body.
  2.  
    vote votes
    Four legs at the front of the body with a long tail trailing behind.
  3.  
    vote votes
    A bunch of legs across the entire body, centipede-style.
  4.  
    vote votes
    I have another important theory I'll share with you in the comments.

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