Dudes, It Appears That Some Of You Are Not Sure How To Wipe Your Butt

    Guys, get your butts together.

    It's come to our attention that there are some men out there that aren't sure about how to poop and wipe their butts and we've been forced 2 take a stand.

    A weird part of toxic masculinity is not knowing how to poop properly.

    Twitter user Keith Calder found the three sad boys above, but there are so many more.

    Let's break it down, shall we:



    Exhibit A: This woman's boyfriend who sharted on a blanket and then decided to COOK while wearing it.

    Here's what she said.

    "He was wrapped in a blanket yesterday and farted and then immediately went to the bathroom and i realized there was a bunch of small stains there where his bum had just been...Then today after we discussed it a little bit further...I saw him wearing it again while he was cooking something for me."

    Exhibit B: This woman, whose boyfriend "had a bunch of poop stains" on both his underwear and his sheets.

    Yeah, this is an issue.

    "In his pile of clothing I noticed that his underwear had a bunch of poop stains. ON my last day, there was a stain on the sheets and he didn't appear to think much of it. His hygiene is pretty good otherwise. I don't know if he is pooping himself or not wiping completely."

    Exhibit C: This woman, who's complaining on a Reddit relationships forum about her boyfriend who has brown stains on his boxers and a musty "butt odor."


    "His chair, his pants, and himself during sex has a very musty, distinctly "butt odor."

    And Exhibit D: This woman who has taken to putting menstrual pads in her husband's underwear so that he doesn't SHIT DIRECTLY ON THE UNDERWEAR.

    View this video on YouTube


    The world is a vampire.

    Guys, we like you, sometimes we even love you. And because of this, we'd like to make sure that you're wiping your butts properly. Don't fear your butt. Wipe it and treat it right. Use toilet paper! Don't be afraid to get between the cheeks!

    That's all. Please treat your butt right. If you aren't sure how, check out this guide.

    PS: Bidets are also great, apparently.