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Cap'n Crunch's Full Name Will Surprise You

Crunch this, my guy.

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If you've eaten breakfast, oh, ever, you're probably familiar with this smug cereal eater.

Quaker Oats

Yup, it's Cap'n Crunch. The C stands for Cap'n. And Crunch.

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But it also might stand for CROCK OF LIES, because I just found out the Cap'n's full name. It's ...

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...Horatio Magellan Crunch.

The be-mustached man who is fond of "crunch-a-tizing" things seemingly never goes by his full name.
Quaker Oats

The be-mustached man who is fond of "crunch-a-tizing" things seemingly never goes by his full name.

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The name Magellan is no doubt a nod to famous explorer Ferdinand Magellan.

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Wikimedia

And the Horatio? Hmmm...maybe Horatio Alger?

And there's another thing. You see, the Cap'n might not actually be a Cap'n after all.

Back in 2013, it was brought to the public's attention that an actual captain's jacket has four stripes, while Cap'n Crunch's uniform only has three, which would make him a Commander. The US Navy also confirmed to the Wall Street Journal that Crunch never served. “We have no Cap’n Crunch in the personnel records – and we checked,” Lt. Commander Chris Servello, director of the U.S. Navy’s news desk at the Pentagon told the paper. “We have notified NCIS and we’re looking into whether or not he’s impersonating a naval officer – and that’s a serious offense.”
Gawk

Back in 2013, it was brought to the public's attention that an actual captain's jacket has four stripes, while Cap'n Crunch's uniform only has three, which would make him a Commander.

The US Navy also confirmed to the Wall Street Journal that Crunch never served. “We have no Cap’n Crunch in the personnel records – and we checked,” Lt. Commander Chris Servello, director of the U.S. Navy’s news desk at the Pentagon told the paper. “We have notified NCIS and we’re looking into whether or not he’s impersonating a naval officer – and that’s a serious offense.”

The Cap'n addressed the controversy at the time by saying that the fact that he "captained" his boat the S.S. Guppy made him an "official Cap'n."

.@consumerist All hearsay & misunderstandings! I captain the S.S. Guppy with my crew, which makes me an official Cap'n. #CrunchatizingRumors

But honestly, I kind of feel like:

Julie Gerstein

Either way, I'm onto you, H.M. Crunch — and I'll never look at your sweet, delicious cereal the same way again.

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