back to top

Here's Everything Your Shape Says About You

Love your shape, let your shape love you.

Posted on

Uh, ~face shape expert~ Jean Haner says she can tell whether you're a straight up drama queen or a perfectionist or a control freak JUST FROM THE SHAPE OF YOUR FACE.

Feels like a distant cousin of this.

Which is phrenology, a highly discredited pseudoscience based around the idea that the measurements of the human skull can tell a lot about how animalistic or moral or whatever someone is.

Anyway! WE CALL BULLSHIT. Because we ACTUALLY know what your shape says about you. Read on to find out more.


Hexagon says that lately you've been hanging out with Candace too much and she's no good for you because Candace is a crazy fucking drunk and she's bringing you down and did you really need to drink 8 vodka and Cokes the other night, you were WASTED girl.


Circle hated your last three boyfriends, tbh. Circle thinks you should take some time to be alone and really figure out what you want because you keep dating people who don't put you FIRST.