First, we mustache you what facial hair you prefer.
If none of those are appealing, perhaps you'd like a famous 'stache.
Or perhaps one of these?
Build the perfect beard, based on this Ron Swanson beard acceptability chart.
Here's what beard looks best with each face shape.
Groom your facial hair for the job you want, not for the job you have.
Know what to ask for when you go to the barber.
Not all buzzcuts are created equal.
Here's what haircut works best on each face shape.
Get thee a flat top boogie, why don'tcha.
Get on top of your haircut game, now.
Get the perfect shave every time.
Don't suffer another shaving accident.
Where do your sideburns fall on the magnificent bastard sideburns chart?
Get your goatee all good.
And here's how to get the best beard possible.
What product to use to get the perfect hold for your hair.
A few DIY tips for better skin with things you've probably got in your fridge and around the house.
Learn where it's acceptable to trim your nails. Answer: in the privacy of your own damned bathroom, and nowhere else.
And never forget your weekly grooming checklist.
Now go forth and look amazing.
Want great style tips in your inbox twice a week? Sign up for the BuzzFeed Health & Beauty newsletter!