11 Tips For Anyone Who Is Sick And Tired Of Killing All Their Plants

Because if I spend another $100 on a plant that dies, I will torch my local nursery.

1. First up, save yourself the heartache and choose plant varieties that are actually suited to indoor living.

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Got your eye on an olive tree for that ~Tuscan aesthetic~? Sounds divine. But unless you have a corner in your home that is bathed in glorious sunlight all day long, you're better off sticking to varieties that can handle a lil' bit of darkness.

Devil's Ivy, Zanzibar Gem and the Parlor Palm are all low-light loving greens that won't wilt and despair after the first overcast day.

2. Choose a setting that suits the needs of each individual plant.

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Whatever plant babies you have, it's a simple case of researching what environment they need to thrive in. Don't just pop 'em anywhere in your house and hope for the best. You're better than that.

For instance, if you're horni for a fiddle leaf fig, then make sure that you put that bad boy in a north-east window (that is, if you're in the Southern Hemisphere). This positioning will ensure your FLF gets plenty of bright morning light, but less of those scorching-hot afternoon rays (which will make for sad, crispy leaves).

3. Know when to water your plants (and when to leave them the fuck alone).

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Over-watering kills more plants than under-watering ever will. By all means, establish a regular watering routine with your greens — many peeps have a set "water day" once per week. But it's important to make sure that each of your plants are ~thirsty~ before you serve 'em a drink.

As a general rule of thumb, most indoor plants will only require more water when the top two inches of soil feels dry. So get dirty, stick ya finger in and see how they're feeling.

4. And always, always make sure you have a drainage hole.

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Otherwise you risk giving your lil' baby a serious case of root rot.

5. Clean the foliage regularly.

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Like every other bit of miscellaneous crap in your home, your plants will accumulate dust over time — particularly if they've got big, leafy foliage like palms and ficuses.

Make sure you wipe them down regularly to remove that dusty build-up — which prevents your plants from soaking in that glorious vitamin D.

6. And when you're done, give 'em a good misting with water.

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Many plants prefer a humid environment, so regularly misting their leaves will keep them and you v happy.

7. Rotate your pots regularly to prevent lopsidedness.

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All plants grow towards the light, which means if you leave one in the same position all year round, they'll inevitably end up with a serious case of lopsidedness. To encourage even growth, rotate your pot every few weeks.

8. Treat them to a nice trim when they're looking a lil' worse for wear.

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Just like your split ends that are in dire need of a cut, plants require regular trimmings to keep them tidy and lush.

Carefully cut away any dead limbs or yellowing leaves — this will allow your plant to redirect its energy towards new growth. And honestly, who doesn't love the dizzying high of witnessing a new leaf unfurling?

9. Recognise the signs that it's time to re-pot.

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If your plant has been stuck in the same pot for years on end and the sight of new growth is a thing of the past, chances are it's because your hunny is feeling pot-bound.

Common signs to look out for include the sight of roots snaking out the drainage hole; matted roots near the soil surface; and dry, stiff soil that water seems to run straight through.

If that's the case, look to repot your plant into a new home that's 2-3 inches larger than its existing one.

10. Propagate cuttings to create more green babies.

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Is there anything more beautiful than creating new life? If you want to get better bang for your buck and give birth to new plants, you've got to embrace the power of propagation!

Simply cut a 10-12cm stem (or side shoot) just below a leaf, then remove all but two or three leaves at the top. Stick this cutting in a jar of water and place in a well-lit spot.

After about a month, you should start to notice roots spring up along the water-bound stem — which is a sign that you can now pot your trimming and watch it grow baby grow.

11. And when all else fails, turn to realistic faux plants that you can't possibly kill.

Amazon

Because maybe you just can't have nice things.

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