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If You're A Homeowner, You Definitely Went Through These 15 Emotional Stages

Shoutout to my fellow Sydney-siders for putting up with Australia's shittiest property market.

Stage 1: Blind optimism


Go ahead, dream of that cute lil' two-storey terrace in the Inner West. You have no actual market-knowledge to deter you and honestly, it's all uphill from here — so enjoy the fantasy.

Stage 2: Reality check


You check out some of the local open homes "just for the fun of it" and the cold, hard reality starts to hit home. You go from dreaming of your ~forever home~ to debating the pros and cons of a studio apartment with a toilet next to the kitchen sink.

Stage 3: Deep research

TriStar Pictures

You commit to finding out everything there is to know about first-home-buying — knowledge is power, my friends, and you're not here to fuck spiders.

Stage 4: Cry for help


You spend a solid week researching interest rates, home loans and offset accounts, but still have no idea what your actual borrowing capacity is. So you turn to a broker for help.

Stage 5: Pre-approval


Congratulations! Your entire life's earning capacity has now been calculated to an arbitrary figure — you can look forward to being shackled to your debt for the next 30 years.

Stage 6: The hunt


Now that you're armed with that sweet, sweet pre-approval, the true hunt can begin. Open homes are no longer "market research" — they're potential look-ins on your future home. And you are horniiii for it.

Stage 7: The realtors' riddle

Paper Kite Productions

You start to realise that real estate agents speak in a bizarre second language that both terrifies and delights you. Studio apartment = the ultimate, open-plan living. No kitchen = a cafe-addict's dream.

Stage 8: The ~one~

Sony Music

You walk through the door of open house #43 and you know immediately — this is the one for you. The endorphins are at an all-time high and you've never coveted anything more in your life. It's ~fate~.

Stage 9: Intense emotional attachment


Like a loved-up teen, you now can't imagine your life without this home. You've already planned out the function of every room and how your future children will fit in. Every time it has an open house you turn up — just to check out the competition and complain loudly about the risk of asbestos. You're obsessed and you must make it yours.

Stage 10: Bargaining


It's time for nitty gritty — what you're prepared to pay for it. It's a constant battle of fighting your emotional instinct to offer everything you have (and the promise of your first-born child).

Stage 11: The offer

Comedy Central

You're ready to put your money where you mouth is and make an official offer. You pace incessantly, fight anxiety-induced diarrhoea and then submit your bid to the realtor.

Stage 12: Acceptance


The owner accepts your offer and just like that — your life has changed forever. Or you get knocked back which case, pls repeat steps 6-11 with a side of all-consuming sadness.



You can't believe it's real. You (read: the bank) owns a whole slice of that sweet property pie. It's a heady rush and there's NOTHING that can bring you down.

Stage 14: Immediate doubt and regret


Yep, you start to hate yourself and second-guess every decision you've just made. Apparently this stage is super normal though (big $$$ commitment = crippling anxiety), so, ya know, at least you're not alone.

Stage 15: A new way of life


The dizzying highs and the rock-bottom lows balance out to a nice, calm middle ground. Sure, you'll be paying off hundreds of thousands of dollars for the foreseeable future, but at least you can put nails in your own walls now so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.


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