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22 Things That Happen When You Don't Drink Beer

You can keep your frothy wheat bile.

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1. You get a lot of condescending advice like, "Oh, you should try a light beer!"

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2. Or, "You just haven't found the right one yet."

Groundbreaking.
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Groundbreaking.

3. Not to mention the bullshit sexist connotations of not liking beer.

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4. If you're a woman, you're stereotyped as capital-C "Not Chill."

I’M BASICALLY JUST PRETTY CHILL, she screamed into the void

5. Whereas if you're a dude who doesn't like beer, people hate on your "girly" drinks.

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6. You roll up to the company happy hour, and your boss hands you a cold one. You want to say:

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7. But you don't want to be rude, so you take a small sip and try not to grimace.

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8. Even casual nights in with friends can be rough.

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Everyone's knocking back beers...

9. But who cares? You remembered your trusty bottle of red.

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10. You keep pace all night...and of course, end up wasted.

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Because wine is like, three times more alcoholic than beer. Whoops.

11. No one wants to be your beer pong partner if you won't help drink the cups.

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http://dianekeatonfan.tumblr.com/post/95209588947
http://dianekeatonfan.tumblr.com/post/95209588947

12. And keg stands are a definite no.

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13. But when you're playing Slap the Bag, no bag is safe.

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14. You might overcompensate by taking shots like a champ.

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Oh, you want a chaser? That's cute.

15. Or learning everything there is to know about wine.

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Or, you know, saying some crap about tannins.

16. And you know that hard cider is just alcoholic apple juice, and therefore delicious.

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17. You know you can be a picky drinker.

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18. But so what? Your vodka soda is nobody's business but yours.

19. No matter how many cherries are in your cup...

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20. ...or how brightly colored your cocktail is....

21. ...you know the truth about beer.

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22. And you can get drunk without it juuust fine.

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